Have you ever been bullied?

[Nannad]

Yes, so sad, she was just a baby, how do you get over something like this, it is a parents job to look after your child, and you trust they will be safe in school. I am just glad there wasn’t social media years ago when dd was young, just an add on my dd who is 4 years younger was happy at school when he was 6. When I was bathing him I noticed bruising, and first of all I put it down to him playing rough, but it carried on, I paid a visit to school and explained, they said ooh no, hasn’t got them here. The next day they came over and said that the little brother of the girl who was bullying dd, was, thumping and kicking him in the playground. They new his elder sister was bullying my dd (same ps) said that they didn’t condone violence BUT if ds was hit again should hit back! the next day my ds did hit back and the boy went home with a bloody nose, ds wasn’t hurt again. Sorry for the long post

[maidmarian]

Originally Posted by Fluffypenguin

The thing I’ve always wanted to know is, what makes a bully? Some people have never and would never bully and some people do it constantly, I guess it’s all different things.

My sister only ever bullied me (as far as I know) and I believe it was a mixture of the fact that she was bullied herself and because my dad spoilt her and pandered to her every whim, yet he bullied his eldest daughter. He was constantly berating the eldest, telling her off and just being mean, he also used to tell her she’s the reason their mum left. Whereas the sister that bullied me never got in trouble, she could hit the oldest one and nothing would be said, but if the eldest hit back she got a slap, so I do think she learnt the bullying too from my dad.

With my friends I’m not sure, I know one of my friends went through a difficult time when her mum and dad split up when she was little and her mum also pandered to her and never told her no. My friend would punch and kick her mum if she did say no and then she would give in to her. So I guess that’s why.

Not that these are excuses, I’m just musing as to why these things happened. I’ve never been bullied, I was never a very confident child, partly because of the bullying I had from before I talk and partly because my mum was a strong character who I dare say no to.

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There's different kinds of bullying though, it can be verbal, mental, abusive, jealousy etc.,
Online bullying happens everyday because they can get away with it.
All bullying is wrong it's how we deal with it that matters.
Which for some is very difficult, including myself.
I've never bullied anyone but just lately I feel I could, only because it wears you down what someone is doing to you ☹️

[maidmarian]

Originally Posted by Nannad

Yes, so sad, she was just a baby, how do you get over something like this, it is a parents job to look after your child, and you trust they will be safe in school. I am just glad there wasn’t social media years ago when dd was young, just an add on my dad who is 4 years younger was happy at school when he was 6. When I was bathing him I noticed bruising, and first of all I put it down to him playing rough, but it carried on, I paid a visit to school and explained, they said ooh no, hasn’t got them here. The next day they came over and said that the little brother of the girl who was bullying dd, was, thumping and kicking him in the playground. As they new the history, but didn’t condone violence, I should tell my son to thump him back, he did, the boy went home with a bloody nose, and dd wasn’t hurt again. Sorry for the long post

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No need to apologise hun.
Its really upsetting to read what you've put, can't understand why kids and adults can be so cruel ☹️

[novocastrian]

not really bullied as such but i was very tall at a young age (not that tall 5'11 but i was this tall aged 11/12) so usually the school/year hard lads wanted to prove they could take on the biggest kid in school, so had a good few fights thrust upon me

all this was gone by the time i was 13/14 and in high school, guess others had caught up so i didnt stand out

however plenty of kids horrendously bullied , this was late 70's/early 80s in the west end of newcastle so anyone slightly different 'posh'/ginger/fat/in care*/poor etc got really bad abuse/bullying

kids can be truly awful

* our school was adjacent to a childrens home so we had a steady stream of troubled kids through the years... some really sad cases

[fl-veteran]

I've never really told this story to anyone...

For years I was systematicaly bullied and repeatedly beaten up by someone at high school for being overweight. It was extemely unpleasant and never dealt with by the school. It mentally scarred me and I would say it changed my personality for good.

I can't describe the dread I felt when, years later when I was grown up, the very same bully moved into the flat upstairs to me and became a real 'problem' neighbour (loud music all night, people arriving and leaving at all hours, drugs, verbal abuse, threatening behaviour, etc).

One night I knocked on his door to ask him to turn the music down. He came bursting out, put his face an inch away from mine, screamed at me about how he was going to mess me up (his words were somewhat less polite), shouting like a mad man with bits of spit hitting me in the face.

Something in me snapped. I was angry like I've never been angry in my life. You hear of red mist descending but it wasn't like that. My mind just went cold and very focussed.

I grabbed him by the lapels, pivoted, threw him over my hip (thanks self-defence teacher whose name I can't remember!) and down a full flight of stone steps, then I picked him up, swatted away a couple of punches and threw him across the bonnet of his car (no idea where I got the strength for that from). By this point he was in no state to defend himself and I pulled him up again and systematicaly and fairly brutally beat the absolute snot out of him using some punches but mainly by virtue of elbows to his face leaving him in a real mess.

It culminated in the police arriving but as he was known to them and I wasn't they just assumed it was him. He went for questioning, I went back indoors without a scratch on me other than a slightly torn shirt where he'd tried to hold on.

It's the only fight I've been in in my entire adult life and the most cathartic thing that's ever happened to me.

I probably shouldn't be proud of the damage I inflicted on another person, or the realisation that I'm capable of it if the need arises, but I am and I looked at myself differently from that day forward.

Better still, the next day I got an apology, a handshake (I accepted) and his mobile number "In case it's too loud one night". I moved away a few months after that but I never had any more problems from him.

[Trouble3]

I was, throughout most of my school years. I was short, plump, had red hair and then grew boobs years before the rest of the girls did.

I was also bullied by my mother, physically, verbally and mentally, mostly mentally.

I was also bullied by a new manager, to the point I had a breakdown. I was lucky that another Manager got involved and told me to raise a grievance... which ended with me being paid off via a compromise agreement. Hideous experience.

After many years I realised that my mother had instilled such a crap sense of worth in me, I was never going to "change" till she was out of my life. 10 odd years after "breaking with my mother" and I'm no-ones doormat anymore. Although I'm still more likely to stand up for someone else, I do stand up for myself... most of the time.

[Fluffypenguin]

Originally Posted by maidmarian

There's different kinds of bullying though, it can be verbal, mental, abusive, jealousy etc.,
Online bullying happens everyday because they can get away with it.
All bullying is wrong it's how we deal with it that matters.
Which for some is very difficult, including myself.
I've never bullied anyone but just lately I feel I could, only because it wears you down what someone is doing to you ☹️

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I mistyped in that post originally, I meant to say I’ve never been a bully, not that I’ve never been bullied, I have been bullied lots sadly as I put in my previous post.

Definitely all different types of bullying, it’s just so sad and I wonder what the motives are behind it. Nothing was really done to stop me being bullied, especially not in high school. And my dad never tried to stop the bullying from my sister. I never received any help after.

It’s such an awful thing and it has such a profound effect, I think the bullying I experienced is what caused me to have such a temper, although I take that temper out on myself and inanimate objects, rather than other people.

It’s totally understandable though how those who have been bullied can become a bully.

[2waterford]

Yes I was by a co worker. Lived in a small town and worked in a small shop. I was a grown woman, married with a baby. This particular co worker had been there with years and ran the whole show. Spoke to boss about it and he just shrugged his shoulders. Stuck it out for 5 years, and cried most days i went into work there.

Why did she do it, in my eyes she had a very sad life, husband was having an affair, her little job was her life, maybe she was jealous, I don't know. 30 years later, she still works there, but her job is her life.

[taffs travels]

I was bullied for years at primary then secondary. It was physical and mental and no one did a damn thing about it. It has affected my confidence all my life, I always feel less worthy, less important than anyone else. I urge anyone who sees a child /young adult being bullied to act as it is not just that moment in time that it affects. This was over 30 years ago and I still remember the taunts and nettles pushed in my face. It was all because by brother has epilepsy and frequently had fits and wet himself while fitting. They knew they couldn't bully him as everyone kept a close eye on him so I ended up being their "victim" .

[Twin mummy]

I was bullied a fair bit at school, a combination of being fat, fairly bright, perceived to be "posh" (I wasn't) and a father who was the housing officer (eg 'rent collector') for the estate we lived on wasn't the best combination.

The worst one was when I was in the first year of secondary school, a boy in my class deliberately tripped me up and broke my ankle, he got into trouble and his sister in the 5th year then targeted me and made my life hell for the rest of the year.
She and her friends regularly followed me home, taunting and yelling at me, at one point they pushed me into the road in front of a car. They also cornered me in the changing rooms on sports day and pushed me in the shower and turned it on. This went on until she left school, 6 months of hell.

As an adult I've had 2 or 3 groups of friends who have 'decided' my face doesn't fit and I've been frozen out. I'm sure they wouldn't consider it bullying but it's some of the most hurtful and damaging forms in my experience.

It's really interesting that so many have experienced bullying but I'm sure very few people would think that they might have ever bullied others.