Harassment in work place! Sorry, rant!

[Floridatilly]

Sorry if this type of post is not allowed and I do not want to start any arguments etc just feel that I need a rant and I may feel better once it’s written down.
Just been chatting to my aunt, her 20 year old son is at uni and works most evenings at Nando’s. He is a very quiet and shy lad so it’s fantastic experience for him and because he is so well thought of they let him work in his local restaurant near uni during term times and his local one to home in the holidays.
It’s mainly at Christmas time but does happen all year round... usually a group but sometimes just a couple of woman having a drink and a laugh but coming out with sexual remarks to him, offering him an extra tip for a kiss and patting on on the bum
He gets so embarrassed and the more embarrassed he gets the more they do it. They find it such fun!
But he is really upset about, told his manager etc
All the staff there are mainly young lads and girls and this is an issue for all the male workers however some do actually like the attention but it doesn’t happen to the female staff. I think with all the recent public events men are too scared to make sexual comments to woman and would not dare touch a females bottom, and rightly so !
But it seems ok for tipsy woman to make comments and touch young lads
The staff try to work it so that the girls serve the groups of woman but it does not always work out.
He had a woman waving mistletoe last night for a kiss and said she would not leave until she got one, all her friends were egging her on. My cousin was mortified and stayed in the back until they left.
No real point to my post but I feel so sorry for him because apart from this he loves his job, he needs the money and it’s ideal for him. One of the managers told him to ‘man up’

[hideinpockets]

I mean this isn’t about men or women’s rights it’s got nothing to do with gender but it’s sexual harassment. I think he needs to raise it with his manager again and say that he feels uncomfortable in the work place and enjoys the job but expects to be protected by management there. And also confirm that it’s not just him that feels like that and other staff members feel the same. If the manager again comes back with a “man up” comment then personally I would go above their head and raise it with the area manager as they are just minimising the impact it may be having.

Sorry that he’s having to deal with that.

[Colette-S]

Yes Floridatilly it’s not an issue about men’s rights it’s sexual harassment regardless of gender.

[Scaramouche]

Definitely nothing to do with rights.

This is just drunken sexual harassment - something I’ve never seen in Nando’s before I have to say! (But not disagreeing it hasn’t happened - this time of year it can happen anywhere, just a new one on me!)

We get it in the theatre, men and women, from men and women. He needs to report it to his manager again and get them to see it’s not appropriate.

[Floridatilly]

Sorry, I probably worded things wrong. I did not legally mean men’s rights just making a point that at this work place (in two locations) there is a lot of female attention on the lads that work there. Yes it’s sexual harassment and he has spoke to his managers. Unfortunately there is not a lot they can do other than remove the rowdy ladies.
People generally don’t think of harassment that lads get.

[Tigger71]

I agree... I sometimes see post on Facebook or other social media where women will make remarks about some man’s appearance (muscles, bum, whatever). I always think that if the remarks were about a woman lots of people would cry out ”sexism”, ”harrassment” etc. But it seems ok for some to make those comments about a man? I dont get it. In my book, its not ok regardless of the gender.

[mickey house]

I do think it is one sided in that some females think it's okay for them to make sexual remarks to males but not the other way around.

I agree with you that it's fantastic experience for him working in nandos especially if he is shy, but I do think he is taking it too seriously as this is real life.

I am unsure what he expects his manager to do when young ladies who pay for alcohol sold by nandos are making sexual comments to him.

When I was 16 or 17 years old I went to a works office Christmas do and one of the female staff who was like an old woman to me at the time (she was aged about 40) started touching my member from the ouside of my trousers, but I moved away from her and that was that. Technically it was a sexual assault, but other than laugh about it to my mates and think what a dirty old woman she was, I didn't even consider telling my manager about it.

[Floridatilly]

Originally Posted by mickey house

I do think it is one sided in that some females think it's okay for them to make sexual remarks to males but not the other way around.

I agree with you that it's fantastic experience for him working in nandos especially if he is shy, but I do think he is taking it too seriously as this is real life.

I am unsure what he expects his manager to do when young ladies who pay for alcohol sold by nandos are making sexual comments to him.

When I was 16 or 17 years old I went to a works office Christmas do and one of the female staff who was like an old woman to me at the time (she was aged about 40) started touching my member from the ouside of my trousers, but I moved away from her and that was that. Technically it was a sexual assault, but other than laugh about it to my mates and think what a dirty old woman she was, I didn't even consider telling my manager about it.

See more...

That is shocking! And a sackable offence

[vowels]

Originally Posted by mickey house

I

I am unsure what he expects his manager to do when young ladies who pay for alcohol sold by nandos are making sexual comments to him.

When I was 16 or 17 years old I went to a works office Christmas do and one of the female staff who was like an old woman to me at the time (she was aged about 40) started touching my member from the ouside of my trousers, but I moved away from her and that was that. Technically it was a sexual assault, but other than laugh about it to my mates and think what a dirty old woman she was, I didn't even consider telling my manager about it.

See more...

His manager should give them a warning and if they continue to harass the staff, tell them to leave. It is that simple. No one should be sexually harassed.

The sad fact is that you and most of us have been subject to unwanted touching and comments and that 10, 20, 30 years later we all still remember how uncomfortable it made us feel. This young lad and his co-workers should be protected so that they do not have to endure unwanted touching now, nor the shud of remembrance 10, 20 or 30 years later.

[DisneyDaffodil]

I do agree with Mickey that years ago this would be classed as banter and the victim expected to just put up with it. However it isn’t right, NEVER should have been considered acceptable, and certainly should be taken seriously by the employer.

Your son should report it to his employer but sadly, it may be still a case of Nando’s are selling the alcohol which is encouraging these women to make offensive comments etc (I’m sure if they were sober and someone spoke to them in this manner they would be complaining) so they put their profits before their employees.

These women (or men if it happened to female servers) should be asked by the manager to tone their behaviour down and if they don’t, they should be told to leave. I do hope that Nando’s take his complaints on board and act responsibly. It doesn’t just affect the servers, as a customer I hate the loud, drunk parties at restaurants especially at this time of year so tend to avoid eating out around this time.