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Old 25 Oct 20, 10:07 PM  
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DDD
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My mojo seems to have gone

Not sure if it’s a mid life thing, a Covid thing, a winter is approaching thing but I’m struggling to keep positive.

I love my job but not necessarily some of the people I work with. My boss being the worse. I’m looking at jobs but not jumping for anything average, would have to be something I’d love.

My kids are older, 16 and 20 yrs but there’s still a lot of running around and worrying about them... but it doesn’t seem more than normal.

My husband is doing my head in. I’ve tried talking to him about his mood and constant negativity. He doesn’t get it...he doesn’t like his job and just moans every day. He’s always been a glass is half empty person but I’m not sure if I want to put up with this for the next 10 years! He was less stressed and more supportive (with house jobs) when he was working at home during lockdown. The last 7 weeks with him back at work are such hard work. I’ve told him to change jobs or go part time to help but he says would be too difficult.

Hormones might be a factor too... I think I’m menopausal... but it’s making me reflect and think about what I want. Maybe less tolerant of husband. I feel lonely as he never wants to talk about my work or what’s going on in my life. We share some interests such as the gym/coffee shop culture but is it enough? Holidays have always been a big part of our family life and this year we’ve obviously had to cancel a few. That’s not helped.

How long do I stay feeling unhappy, putting up with it all. And I’ve been unwell with a viral infection so thinking I’m just a bit run down and trying to tell myself I’ll feel physically and therefore mentally better soon.

And I have never felt low like this before, I try to practice self care but just struggling to keep up beat. We’ve just had a week off together which is normally nice but I just can’t be bothered with him. ☹️

I suppose just an off load post but any advice from others who are feeling low or struggling to be positive with everything would be much appreciated.

Thank you 😊
DDD
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Old 25 Oct 20, 10:21 PM  
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Bozza
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Life is tough right now - so much uncertainty and no idea whether the things we hope to look forward to will come to fruition.

What immediately jumped out to me is your words about your husband. You write about your own struggle in retaining a positive outlook, yet write about his "constant negativity". Perhaps he's broadly in the same place as you - it certainly sounds like it.

I don't know where you live, obviously, nor what restrictions may or may not be in place for you right now, but given the age of your children, is there any chance you could take a night or two away somewhere - get a change of scene away from the day-to-day grind?

Quite often, this will give you some space to think, talk and appreciate one another.

If you're within touching distance of London, hotels are ridiculously cheap right now - for obvious reasons - and you'll have one of the world's great cities to explore together.
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Old 25 Oct 20, 10:34 PM  
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DDD
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Thank you.
Seems like a good idea. Will definitely think about this. 😀
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Old 25 Oct 20, 10:35 PM  
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It’s definitely the virus, nothing is normal anymore. You put up with mundane knowing you have holidays booked, planning things. I used to love shopping but not anymore, mask wearing has spoilt that for me, me and dd would have been going to London this week normally to Harrods Christmas shop but I won’t go on a train! Go to the pub and have a meal out, mask in there and then take it off, my husband is ok because he still goes to work and on his bike rides. I nearly had a nervous breakdown when I missed my sons wedding in Toronto, dh was upset but I was worse. Try to chat and do stuff together, we watch Netflix and eat nice food. We get on each other’s nerves sometimes but things have to get better, my dd has bogged off to uni and isn’t having the best experience either in halls. She said it’s worse than prison because in prison you get fed!
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Old 25 Oct 20, 10:47 PM  
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Its probably a combination of all the things you mentioned, I think it’s natural to feel very unsettled when the children reach that age, and to question who you are now, what you want, etc - menopause reallly doesnt help! I had a meltdown last year, similar issues, but I got some counselling and it really helped, had a big chat with DH, who had no idea I was feeling like I did, and we are now both appreciating each other a lot more. The virus situation just made me see that you have to make the most of every day as nothing is promised. All I can say is a year on, I am in a much better place, and glad that I didnt rush into any big changes.

Take your time, talk to people you trust, and I hope that you feel better soon, we are all here anytime you need to vent!
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Old 25 Oct 20, 11:15 PM  
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I think a lot of people have just had enough now and can't see an end coming. Things we took for granted now seem impossible. I am still complying but by hell I am sick of it now!
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Old 25 Oct 20, 11:37 PM  
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Originally Posted by EssexSue View Post
I think a lot of people have just had enough now and can't see an end coming. Things we took for granted now seem impossible. I am still complying but by hell I am sick of it now!
In March we never thought it would still be here in nearly November! I just can’t quite believe it
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Old 25 Oct 20, 11:38 PM  
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I think it’s a mid life thing. There comes a point when most people start to think about where they are and where they are going... and how much time is left, and what you want from that time. I think it’s natural that you suddenly start to think that you have used more time than you have left and start to look for purpose, or questioning what you want...or what life is all about.

My advice would be to try to separate out (if it all possible) your feelings about life, from your feelings about your relationship... it is easy to start to look for blame or fault at this point ...and that may be right, or it may not ... but you should consider that you may just be looking for someone else to blame instead of dealing with your own feelings.

There is a reason that mid life crisis is a cliche... because it’s real...many people make big decisions at this point. Some of these may be positive like retraining, going back to education, having a late child... some may be negative like having an affair, turning to drink, spending money on lavish things to ‘fix’ the issue.

So, first of all be kind to yourself, give yourself a break and some time and space to think... secondly don’t make any big, rash decisions... maybe read some self help books, consider some counselling, take up a new hobby and try to get to the root of what is making you feel this way.

Things may settle back down in their own... or you may decide that you need some big life changes ... but make sure you don’t do anything too impulsive. Good luck.
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Old 25 Oct 20, 11:42 PM  
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I think many of us have experienced this over lockdown and also at menopause/mid life or when our children leave home. You are dealing with the same issues but during a pandemic, no wonder you are finding it difficult

The pandemic has put a huge strain on many families and relationships. Sadly, domestic abuse has increased as a result of the pandemic also.

My DH has always been the pessimist in our relationship and I’ve been the optimist. However the pandemic had turned me into more of a pessimist too and I hate that it’s changed me.
Our DD is away at uni (second year) and we live in Wales so we can’t visit her or have her home for a visit, our other son lives 40 miles away so we can’t see him either and our other son lives overseas so I’m also trying to cope with missing the family too.

I don’t have any answers but I’m hanging in there and hoping there will be light at the end of the tunnel when a vaccine comes. I hope you can do the same. If you can get away, even if it’s just local, maybe a night in a hotel with your DH or a day trip somewhere could help. We went on a few day trips in the summer when lockdown lifted and it definitely helped us feel that life was going to improve one day. It’s my birthday next week and we were going to spend a night in a very nice local hotel as a treat. Sadly the new lockdown here in Wales means we can’t do this now. But maybe you could do this, and turn off the tv, phones and news and just spend the time together. I hope things work out for you, me and everyone else suffering right now
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Old 25 Oct 20, 11:59 PM  
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As someone who has had depression for some years, I find the change of seasons difficult for some reason, especially the change from summer to autumn i.e.NOW. The change in length and quality of daylight always comes as a shock to me.

It might also affect others who haven’t been diagnosed with depression, and other irritations then feel magnified for a while.
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