Just need to vent - Kids being mean to other kids!

[Twin mummy]

Do you know, as a parent and teacher I really can’t abide parents who insist their little darlings wouldn’t ever say anything mean. Some are too quick to pass off the behaviour. A friend of mine responded to her daughter’s bitchiness with “that’s just girls”. Well, no it’s not, it’s a dis-service to the non-bitchy girls and those (boys as well) who do have that tendency need to be told it’s unacceptable.

Hope your children and you are ok. Help them build their armour by re-enforcing that they are fantastic- it’s some others who are weird and shallow (but we are much too well mannered to mention it!)

Embrace the weirdness I say it’d it means being lovely, quirky and kind. Xxx

[TC Devon]

Children are mean but I find most of their comments, thoughts and prejudices come from their parents. My asd daughter (now 8 and high functioning so untrained eye is NT) had some awful experiences at school last year and it mostly stemmed from parents being idiots. Adults bullying children is wrong on all levels. Spreading rumours she was a bully so she’s alienated from her peers. All Unfounded and school saw none of it. My daughter understandably took it hard. Wanted to die. Started self harming. Pretty much had a breakdown. It was tough. She’s out the other side. Her new teachers say she’s the kindest most empathetic child in the class.
She still does nt have a best friend and is desperate for one but has lots of people she could play with and does. She attends brownies and next month is grading for her black belt in martial arts. I highly recommend it. It’s been the making of her. She can be challenging, she can be a bit too honest but she makes me proud every day. I embrace her quirkiness and we celebrate it.

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by Twin mummy

Do you know, as a parent and teacher I really can’t abide parents who insist their little darlings wouldn’t ever say anything mean. Some are too quick to pass off the behaviour. A friend of mine responded to her daughter’s bitchiness with “that’s just girls”. Well, no it’s not, it’s a dis-service to the non-bitchy girls and those (boys as well) who do have that tendency need to be told it’s unacceptable.

Hope your children and you are ok. Help them build their armour by re-enforcing that they are fantastic- it’s some others who are weird and shallow (but we are much too well mannered to mention it!)

Embrace the weirdness I say it’d it means being lovely, quirky and kind. Xxx

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Hi Twin mummy,

Thanks for your time and thoughts.

Most definitely most of the parents i've had dealings with due to bullying and saying unkind things to my DD have came out with some type of version of "not my child" which makes me want to grab a pillow and scream into it really really hard!

I'll recover but my heart breaks a little more every time I witness or hear unkind words or looks We've tried our best to raise our kids with manners, to always say something positive instead of negative to others and above all else be kind as we never know what someone else is going through... but believe me after what some kids say and do to mine, I really want to slap the stupid out of their parents, who probably instigate and promote most of the behaviour that they are mimicking in the playground and classroom!

We've told our kids that being 'different' is a gift and people are scared by 'different' but always be true to yourself and make yourself happy 1st ... always.

Thanks again for your thoughts, much appreciated.

Dunx x

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by TC Devon

Children are mean but I find most of their comments, thoughts and prejudices come from their parents. My asd daughter (now 8 and high functioning so untrained eye is NT) had some awful experiences at school last year and it mostly stemmed from parents being idiots. Adults bullying children is wrong on all levels. Spreading rumours she was a bully so she’s alienated from her peers. All Unfounded and school saw none of it. My daughter understandably took it hard. Wanted to die. Started self harming. Pretty much had a breakdown. It was tough. She’s out the other side. Her new teachers say she’s the kindest most empathetic child in the class.
She still does nt have a best friend and is desperate for one but has lots of people she could play with and does. She attends brownies and next month is grading for her black belt in martial arts. I highly recommend it. It’s been the making of her. She can be challenging, she can be a bit too honest but she makes me proud every day. I embrace her quirkiness and we celebrate it.

See more...

Hi TC Devon,

Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions.

Our DD is the exactly the same... NT to the untrained eye/mind.

She copes well day to day but I do think children, especially other females sense something different and start chipping away. Luckily for our DD she does have 1 female friend who is very accepting of DD and could not care less about the bullies or what they have to say (I do wish our daughter had just 10% of that wee girls resilience) Mostly our DD plays with boys, they are just more overall accepting (in our experience) and I've never once had to go up to the school or make a phone call regarding a boy!

Like you say I'm 1 million percent with you when it comes to the fact that 90% of what these little devils say and do is prompted by something either they have overheard at home or been told by their parents etc If only we could slap the stupid (I mean educate) the uneducated! God bless your DD what a heartbreak to have, if only these bullying brats got a taste of their own medicine, we'd see how smart and resilient they would be? They couldn't walk a mile in our DD's shoes! OMG it makes my blood boil!

Our DD has tried Brownies and Martial arts but ended up leaving both of them...

Brownies - too many mean females and the leaders being friends with the 'Mean Girls' parents meaning they could do whatever they wanted with total disregard to how mean they were not only to our DD but to most of the girls in the club!

Taekwon do - She really enjoyed this initially, then came the competing and sparring - she fell to bits (hates people watching her) and also was very confused by sparring, she said that we'd always told her not to hit people and couldn't get her head round why we'd expect her to do it now?! She kinda had a point there - no matter how we tried to explain it, we knew she was done.

Our DD is challenging hour to hour, too honest, shares too much, asks the most awkward of questions, does not get irony, sarcasm or fun sometimes (dependent on humour type) but we love her from the bottom of our hearts and wouldn't change her for the world.

The only thing i'd love to do is help her relax... her OT says that when it comes to High Functioning ASD there is ALWAYS anxiety ... just varying levels... i'd love to take ALL of her anxiety away from her and let her just be 9, breaks my heart when we see her full of anxiety and fear from everything.

Thanks for sharing.

Dunx x

[TC Devon]

My daughter hates being watched at taekwondo we have to turn our backs or look out the window. She’s brilliant at sparring. She’s only little but feisty but hates competing. She entered one competition and lost it. I like that should she need to she could defend herself. The reality is she probably won’t as she’s terrified of getting told of🙈

My daughter also likes the company of boys - they make less demands. Less mean, less judgemental. She is nt very girly so it suits her 😀

I think there might be a few other aspies at brownies so this group so far has been good for her. Fingers crossed it continues.

Like you I just wish I could take all the anxiety away. Some days, even weeks are good then bam it’s back!

Let’s hope karma comes out soon x

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by TC Devon

My daughter hates being watched at taekwondo we have to turn our backs or look out the window. She’s brilliant at sparring. She’s only little but feisty but hates competing. She entered one competition and lost it. I like that should she need to she could defend herself. The reality is she probably won’t as she’s terrified of getting told of🙈

My daughter also likes the company of boys - they make less demands. Less mean, less judgemental. She is nt very girly so it suits her 😀

I think there might be a few other aspies at brownies so this group so far has been good for her. Fingers crossed it continues.

Like you I just wish I could take all the anxiety away. Some days, even weeks are good then bam it’s back!

Let’s hope karma comes out soon x

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TC Devon,

Couldn't agree with everything you said more! I wish our DD could've kept on at Taekwon do but it just wasn't worth the hassle, fights and anxiety that it caused... as you know as an ASD parent... we pick our battles very carefully.

I've told our DD that if she wants to answer someone back for being mean to her then do it! But like your daughter - she's too terrified of getting into trouble :-(

Our DD isn't very girly either (that's probably from me! I can't cook but could do an oil change on your car ) Our DD likes Pokemon, Roblox, climbing trees, getting mucky and pulling stunts on her bike... all of which make her gravitate towards the boys and as you say they are much less judgemental and inherently (in my experience - I had more male than female friends at school!) more accepting than girls!

I read a fantastic book over summer "Chimp Paradox" which was a lightbulb moment for me personally and gave me back a lot of confidence i'd lost over the years fighting for a diagnosis for our DD. THEN i came across another book "My Hidden Chimp" which myself and DD worked through together and we had a few weeks of just happy, mostly relaxed and enjoying life version of our DD THEN... school went back and within days all our hard work annihilated by nasty wee witches!

Karma... I can't pray hard enough for that!


Dunx x

[Junogirl1]

I get this. Always have, always will. I’m autistic (the community doesn’t believe in functioning labels, in fact, we believe they’re actively harmful) and honestly, it’s never got any easier for me. That’s not to say it won’t get easier for your kids. But all I can speak for is my own personal experience. Even though I’ve left school and college and uni behind a long time ago. I suppose it doesn’t help that I live in a small town and literally everyone knows/remembers me. The worst insults I get; ‘psycho’ (for my Malcolm Tucker-ish behaviour), ‘Hannibal Lecter’ (I was a biter), ‘Forrest Gump’ (I was a bolter), ‘Rain Man’ (heck if I know, I have dyscalculia and can’t count) and ‘Sheldon’ (I took science in school, but not physics-can’t count).
They laugh at me because I’m scared of fire alarms? Well, at least I’m not caught up in fashion trends the latest fashion trends from Primark that I’ll cringe when I look back at photos when I’m in my thirties.
They mock me for not watching the latest Love Island? That’s because I’d rather watch a show where a guy builds robots in space and they watch awful movies together.
They mock me for not watching footie? I don’t care, basketball is so much more exciting anyway.
They mock me for watching cartoons? I know they watch cartoons anyway. Even if they revisit their childhood favourite movie, The Lion King, they’re watching a cartoon. That’s just hypocrisy.
They mock me for going to Disney World every year? Mate, that’s jealousy. Don’t take it out on me because you want to go to Disney World.
Yet they’re more than happy to have me on their general knowledge quiz teams! In fact, that’s the only thing I’m ever picked first for.
I was always so self conscious of fitting in until I was about sixteen/seventeen, that I realised there’s nothing fun about keeping up with the latest reality TV and celebrity gossip, not watching cartoons, buying the latest cringey fashions and not going to Disney World. There’s nothing fun in being like everyone else. Everyone else tries too hard to stand out while fitting in, whereas with me, standing out is a natural talent.
So I grin and bear it. Life goes on. Kids are cruel. Teens are cruel. Adults are cruel. At least I’m being myself rather than doing things to impress my mates.

Oh I should also add that I’m actually happy being me. I’ve built up an excellent online life and in certain circles, I’m pretty known-in a positive way.

I know this doesn’t help, but I was your kids once. I’ve turned into a reasonably happy and well adjusted (for someone with a list of mental diagnoses longer than a Leonard Cohen song) person. I just wanted to offer a look from the other side.

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by Junogirl1

I get this. Always have, always will. I’m autistic (the community doesn’t believe in functioning labels, in fact, we believe they’re actively harmful) and honestly, it’s never got any easier for me. That’s not to say it won’t get easier for your kids. But all I can speak for is my own personal experience. Even though I’ve left school and college and uni behind a long time ago. I suppose it doesn’t help that I live in a small town and literally everyone knows/remembers me. The worst insults I get; ‘psycho’ (for my Malcolm Tucker-ish behaviour), ‘Hannibal Lecter’ (I was a biter), ‘Forrest Gump’ (I was a bolter), ‘Rain Man’ (heck if I know, I have dyscalculia and can’t count) and ‘Sheldon’ (I took science in school, but not physics-can’t count).
They laugh at me because I’m scared of fire alarms? Well, at least I’m not caught up in fashion trends the latest fashion trends from Primark that I’ll cringe when I look back at photos when I’m in my thirties.
They mock me for not watching the latest Love Island? That’s because I’d rather watch a show where a guy builds robots in space and they watch awful movies together.
They mock me for not watching footie? I don’t care, basketball is so much more exciting anyway.
They mock me for watching cartoons? I know they watch cartoons anyway. Even if they revisit their childhood favourite movie, The Lion King, they’re watching a cartoon. That’s just hypocrisy.
They mock me for going to Disney World every year? Mate, that’s jealousy. Don’t take it out on me because you want to go to Disney World.
Yet they’re more than happy to have me on their general knowledge quiz teams! In fact, that’s the only thing I’m ever picked first for.
I was always so self conscious of fitting in until I was about sixteen/seventeen, that I realised there’s nothing fun about keeping up with the latest reality TV and celebrity gossip, not watching cartoons, buying the latest cringey fashions and not going to Disney World. There’s nothing fun in being like everyone else. Everyone else tries too hard to stand out while fitting in, whereas with me, standing out is a natural talent.
So I grin and bear it. Life goes on. Kids are cruel. Teens are cruel. Adults are cruel. At least I’m being myself rather than doing things to impress my mates.

Oh I should also add that I’m actually happy being me. I’ve built up an excellent online life and in certain circles, I’m pretty known-in a positive way.

I know this doesn’t help, but I was your kids once. I’ve turned into a reasonably happy and well adjusted (for someone with a list of mental diagnoses longer than a Leonard Cohen song) person. I just wanted to offer a look from the other side.

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THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR SHARING!

I love the fact that you've been brutally honest, I'm used to this as my DH 'Sheldon/Rain Man' (as dubbed by my friends when they met him) is the most brutally honest person i'd ever met and it was refreshing, shocking, overwhelming and it made me fall in love with him! So i know whatever happens for my DD in the future... there is always hope and I hope she's as true to herself as you are!

Thank You Dunx x

[TC Devon]

Originally Posted by DUNXandWILL

TC Devon,

Couldn't agree with everything you said more! I wish our DD could've kept on at Taekwon do but it just wasn't worth the hassle, fights and anxiety that it caused... as you know as an ASD parent... we pick our battles very carefully.

I've told our DD that if she wants to answer someone back for being mean to her then do it! But like your daughter - she's too terrified of getting into trouble :-(

Our DD isn't very girly either (that's probably from me! I can't cook but could do an oil change on your car ) Our DD likes Pokemon, Roblox, climbing trees, getting mucky and pulling stunts on her bike... all of which make her gravitate towards the boys and as you say they are much less judgemental and inherently (in my experience - I had more male than female friends at school!) more accepting than girls!

I read a fantastic book over summer "Chimp Paradox" which was a lightbulb moment for me personally and gave me back a lot of confidence i'd lost over the years fighting for a diagnosis for our DD. THEN i came across another book "My Hidden Chimp" which myself and DD worked through together and we had a few weeks of just happy, mostly relaxed and enjoying life version of our DD THEN... school went back and within days all our hard work annihilated by nasty wee witches!

Karma... I can't pray hard enough for that!


Dunx x

See more...

C
You’ve just described my daughter! My little boy is a quirky one to-he collect soaps. Not novelty ones, just any old soap that he keeps under his bed. Got to love them x

[DUNXandWILL]

Originally Posted by TC Devon

C
You’ve just described my daughter! My little boy is a quirky one to-he collect soaps. Not novelty ones, just any old soap that he keeps under his bed. Got to love them x

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OMG it's like we're living in a parallel life, our DS is a quirky one too! We call him young Sheldon He's into the solar system, learning the states of America and all the capitals (3 years ago when he was 4 for our 1st family trip to Orlando) and he LOOOOVES maths... best thing is he says that people call him a geek and he doesn't care as he says he loves who he is and I adore that about him... actually wish it would rub off on DD :-)

He's already got his life mapped out... he's going to create Nintendo games... I asked what his backup job was... said he doesn't need one, this is what he's going to do... AWESOME!


Dunx x