I don’t want to always take my mum

[taylaboo]

Originally Posted by PoohBears#1fan

Ignore me if someone else has already said this (it's a very long thread now!) but would she fly one way on her own if say you invited her to join you for a week, giving you 2 weeks to do your holiday your way?

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But then would that spoil the first two weeks knowing her mum was going to join them. I'd be on edge and not completely relaxed if it wa me.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by macdonald

I wish we had an unlike button on here...

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I've thought that a few times but they're too divisive.

I used to belong to the Sagazone Forum, (long gone) it was mooted as Facebook for the over fifties.

They put in a like button which was well received and saved many posts just adding agreement.

Then they added an unlike button which was a red thumbs down. It almost caused a cyber war and only lasted a couple of weeks, the Mods had to take it down.

Problem was there were a few who were over opinionated and acidic with it, whatever they posted was met with a plethora of red thumbs and they were having hissy fits.

I was very sad to see them go, it was the most fun ever reading the reactions of people who had seen it all, done it all and knew it all, to two hundred and fifty red thumbs.

[MrsBC]

Originally Posted by PoohBears#1fan

Working and being independent has nothing to do with feeling the loss of the maternal role.

Whilst some may just see unreasonable behaviour, there's often a reason for people behaving unreasonably and for the sake of what otherwise sounds like a very good relationship, it's worth the effort to understand what makes someone behave in a way that others may find unreasonable.

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We'll have to agree to disagree.

[Stardust5]

I must be one of the lucky few, my parents come on holiday every year with us, my children are now 9,14 and 18 and still love to have Nanny and Grandad come with us. We don’t ask them to babysit, we do things together but they would never behave like the OPs mother on holiday. We set an itinerary so everyone is happy but too be perfectly honest they are very easy going and join in with everything, on occasions they have decided to stay at the villa or will go and have a sit down whilst we are on certain rides. We always stay in a villa that then gives everybody a bit of space if they want it.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by Stardust5

I must be one of the lucky few, my parents come on holiday every year with us, my children are now 9,14 and 18 and still love to have Nanny and Grandad come with us. We don’t ask them to babysit, we do things together but they would never behave like the OPs mother on holiday. We set an itinerary so everyone is happy but too be perfectly honest they are very easy going and join in with everything, on occasions they have decided to stay at the villa or will go and have a sit down whilst we are on certain rides. We always stay in a villa that then gives everybody a bit of space if they want it.

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I envy families like yours, I would have loved to have that ...

[Kat11]

Originally Posted by Stardust5

I must be one of the lucky few, my parents come on holiday every year with us, my children are now 9,14 and 18 and still love to have Nanny and Grandad come with us. We don’t ask them to babysit, we do things together but they would never behave like the OPs mother on holiday. We set an itinerary so everyone is happy but too be perfectly honest they are very easy going and join in with everything, on occasions they have decided to stay at the villa or will go and have a sit down whilst we are on certain rides. We always stay in a villa that then gives everybody a bit of space if they want it.

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I feel lucky too, we also go away with family. We all get on so well and enjoy holidaying together with my parents and sometimes DH family. In fact we have two booked this year with my family, parents, brother, sil and their 2 kids. One in a couple of weeks and one for my mum and dads 50th wedding anniversary at new year. We also go away as just a family of 4 so we are very lucky to be able to afford to do both. But I do realise this is not the case for most family’s but I do appreciate what I’ve got for sure!

Good luck OP with what you decide is best. 😃

Kat

[DisneyDaffodil]

Sadly my mum and dad are no longer alive, and when they were alive we couldn’t afford holidays outside the UK. However I have lots of wonderful memories of UK caravan and holiday park stays with my parents and our two eldest sons where we all got along really well and just had fun. I only wish they had lived long enough to share the same holidays with our younger daughter.

It is a shame that the op’s mum is spoiling her chance to have valuable time with her grandchildren due to her selfishness

[JudyC]

You've been more than generous, it's time to put yourself and your family first. We did go on holiday with my parents a couple of times when the kids were young, We moved to having our own family holiday as the kids got older and Mum and Dad had theirs.
My dad died coming up to two years ago and last year I agreed to accompany Mum to the US incorporating a visit to my brother who lives in San Diego.

Mum.was adamant she wanted to go to Vegas, so I planned for us to fly there to spend a few days and then on to San Diego, lastly Long Island. I did the best I could, Mum said she had to have her own room and bathroom, and I made sure we had one level accommodation. Mum generously paid flights and some accommodation, but of course I used three weeks annual leave and my spends added up. I knew it would be a compromise but it was more of a strain than I imagined. Mum felt too hot in Vegas, didn't enjoy hardly any places we ate at, found even short car journeys a chore. So we cooked in one night, went to the supermarket and got nice pork chops and did them in apple sauce. Mum said she only wanted a jam butty!
When I got up early for a walk to a local bakery for coffee while she was still sleeping she said I was restless. One day she got up and managed to lock herself in the yard in her dressing gown. So then I couldnt relax while out and found I rushed back. At night we sat in early watching reruns of the Bake Off!
I ended up bursting into tears one day while we were out and I asked her if she'd like to have lunch somewhere and she replied 'whatever' That cleared the air a bit.
I made allowances for Mum and felt sorry for her as it was her first holiday since loosing Dad. I have some good memories of the trip honestly, but they were outweighed by feeling cheated of a holiday myself
This year my brother is coming over here for 10 days and I've booked a large barn in the East Midlands countryside for all eight of us for four days. That way mum gets a break, we have a family get together, and it should be more relaxing.

[duchy]

One thing I see time and time again on threads like this is people complaining because they modified their own behaviour/activities "as I felt Mum might... "
I've found with multigenerational holidays the key is to not expect everyone to do everything together ... e.g. Mum might actually appreciate some me time at the villa if she's used to living alone , even the most adored grandchildren can be tiring ... some might find half a day at the parks enough and want to return to the hotel and villa or find the meals in Florida too much and just want a decent cup of tea and some toast one night ... and be perfectly content to leave you to it but some sense of obligation ties us in knots trying to please everyone (and sometimes ending up pleasing none)
Grandparents are adults too, maybe treating them as such rather than as an extra child might work better for some. If they've survived fifty or sixty years already, they can probably handle it .
Just a thought !

[JudyC]

Originally Posted by duchy

One thing I see time and time again on threads like this is people complaining because they modified their own behaviour/activities "as I felt Mum might... "
I've found with multigenerational holidays the key is to not expect everyone to do everything together ... e.g. Mum might actually appreciate some me time at the villa if she's used to living alone , even the most adored grandchildren can be tiring ... some might find half a day at the parks enough and want to return to the hotel and villa or find the meals in Florida too much and just want a decent cup of tea and some toast one night ... and be perfectly content to leave you to it but some sense of obligation ties us in knots trying to please everyone (and sometimes ending up pleasing none)
Grandparents are adults too, maybe treating them as such rather than as an extra child might work better for some. If they've survived fifty or sixty years already, they can probably handle it .
Just a thought !

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If you read it all she did say her Mum wasn't independent and knocked on.their door for things like help with turning the shower on. It's Mum acting like a child not being treated like one!