Forget Covid..have a laugh

[tocpe321]

Originally Posted by disney332

You think swimming with dolphins is expensive.?

I know someone who went swimming with sharks... cost him an arm and a leg.

Disney332

See more...

I went swimming disguised as a turtle.

I had to shell out a lot for that.

[tocpe321]

I failed my maths degree. They asked me about calculus. I said he's Tintin's mate.

[Silvercat]

Originally Posted by greekgranny

Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.

See more...

Did you hear about Stanley the French Snail? He fancied his chances as a racing driver, so painted a big letter "S" on his shell and entered the Formula 1 race in Monaco.

As he hurtled round the track, the audience were heard to shout, "Wow! Look at that "S" car go!"

[Silvercat]

Originally Posted by disney332

a weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

Disney332

See more...

3 animals were in a grocer's shop. The rabbit bought half a pound of tuppeny rice. The fox bought half a pound of treacle. The weasel began to worry about the way things were going ……..

[MOUSEMARSH]

Apparently glass coffins are going to be all the rage.
I'm not so sure but
Remains to be seen.

[disney332]

Have you been hit with a rhythm stick?

You may be entitled to personal Ian Dury.

Disney332

[disney332]

I tried to use 'beef stew' as a password, but it wasn't accepted.

It wasn't stroganoff.

Disney332

[disney332]

A farmer goes out to his field one morning only to find his entire herd of cows frozen solid. As far as the eye can see are cows, motionless like statues.
It had been a bitterly cold night, but he'd never thought anything like this would happen.

The realization of the situation then dawned on him. With his entire livestock gone, how would he make ends meet? How would he feed his wife and kids? How would he pay the mortgage? He sat with his head in his hands, trying to come to terms with his impending poverty. Just then, an elderly woman walked by.
"What's the matter?" asked the old lady.

The farmer gestured toward the frozen cows and explained his predicament to the woman.

Without hesitation the old woman smiled and began to rub one of the cows' noses. After a few seconds the cow began to twitch and was soon back to normal and chewing the cud.

One by one, the old woman defrosted the cows until the whole field was full of healthy animals. The farmer was delighted and asked the woman what she wanted as a repayment for her deed.

She declined his offer and walked off across the field. A passer-by who had witnessed the whole thing approached the farmer. 'You know who that was don't you?' asked the passer-by.

'No' said the farmer 'who is she?'

'That was Thora Hird.'

Disney332

[tocpe321]

Every time the milkman delivered he kept chucking the milk across the top of my face.
Eventully I had enough and asked him why.
He said, "Sorry, I thought you ordered past your eyes milk."

[SussexFamily]

There is meeting of the schizophrenic society tonight ...but I’m in two minds whether to go or not?