Forget Covid..have a laugh

[SussexFamily]

I played Bonopoly last night.

It's like Monopoly but where the streets have no name.

[SussexFamily]

I walked into a restaurant last night...
"Hi, is my table ready?"
"No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?"
"No, that's okay."
"Great, take these to table six then."

[tocpe321]

I ordered a band for a party and a fish turned up at my door to play keyboards.
He kept pressing the same key 100s of times before he moved onto the next.
I asked him why.
He said, "Because I'm a piano tuna."

[disney332]

The man who invented predictive text, died last week.

His funfair is next Monkey.

Disney332

[tocpe321]

I went out for a drink with the Michellin man. He was a nightmare.

He was tyred and emotional, and had an over inflated opinion of himself.

[disney332]

A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.

After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke my faith."
The Rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking for a few minutes.

Finally, the Rabbi said,

"Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"

Disney332

[disney332]

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."

The robot slaps the father.

Mum laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."

The robot slaps the mother.

Disney332

[disney332]

Locked my keys in the car earlier but it wasn't a problem ... luckily I was wearing my khaki trousers.

Disney332

[disney332]

Think I've just been scammed by text.

Message said congratulations you've just one £250 or two tickets all expenses paid, to see an Elvis Presley Tribute Show.

Text 1 for the money or 2 for the show.

Disney332

[disney332]

I said to the doctor," there's something wrong with my ears"

He asked, What are the symptoms?

I replied, "they're a yellow cartoon family on the tv."

Disney332