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Old 10 Oct 20, 09:35 PM  
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disney332
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Forget Covid..have a laugh

Post anything worth a laugh...

Here goes for kick off...

i walked out of a supermarket today with a fruit bread of nuts, spices, and dried or candied fruit, coated with powdered sugar or icing sugar hidden under my coat & didn't pay for it.

It was stollen.

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Old 10 Oct 20, 09:35 PM  
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A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping centre was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said,
"Yes, I do remember that shop."


He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."

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Old 10 Oct 20, 10:39 PM  
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Just spent £300 on a limo and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.

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Old 10 Oct 20, 11:15 PM  
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I work in a busy children’s outpatients ward. I really needed the loo on Thursday, like REALLY needed it, so in between patients nipped to the loo, which, is tiny and our ward is also tiny due to it being temporary... sat on the loo, trousers round my ankles, struggling to go, and the door swings open, it’s one of the consultants 😳 absolutely mortified. As was she, we did have a good laugh about it though, luckily we get on and she didn’t see too much thank god 😂😂
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Old 11 Oct 20, 02:27 AM  
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Might just be me but this made me giggle so much last night. I was scrolling through Charlie Bears (which I collect) and stumbled upon Peaches...

She looks like she's seen some things.
MH, is she yours?!

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Old 11 Oct 20, 08:31 AM  
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I went to my fridge this morning because I could swear I could hear spring onions singing Bee Gees songs. But it turned out to be just the chives talking

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Old 11 Oct 20, 09:07 AM  
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I can never remember jokes I’ve heard but I do keep funny things I see.
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Old 11 Oct 20, 09:36 AM  
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disney332
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The wife stumbled into the kitchen. Her hair was everywhere, her face was covered in blood, and she was holding her arm which was twisted and appeared to be broken in at least 2 places!

She screamed and sobbed "Didn't you hear me just fall down the stairs?"

"Was that you?" I said, "I'm sorry, I thought it was Eastenders finishing" ...

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Old 11 Oct 20, 10:18 AM  
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A blonde was walking along a river and was looking for a place to cross. She saw another blond on the oppisite side and shouted over to her, “How do you get to the other side”?
The other blond replies “You are on the other side”.
( sorry blonds, this is the only joke I can think of at the mo).
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Old 11 Oct 20, 12:17 PM  
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a weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

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