Why are people so cruel

[Lisa-72]

I’m divorced from my children’s father. He has custody of both of them.
Rewind 6 months ago and my DD then age 14 suddenly decided that I was not part of her life.
I remarried 6 weeks ago and came so close to cancelling it because my daughter wasn’t going to be there. I bought a new wedding dress 10 days before the wedding as I couldn’t bare to wear the one I’d chosen with her.
6 months on and I’m coming to terms with not being part of her life and texts last night, I was an emotional wreck last night texting her back, this continues late last night and this morning.
I hadn’t mentioned seeing her as I thought it was too early, I simply said I missed her and her brother.

She then dealt the deadly blow:
“i wanted to check in and see how you were, it’s never going to be the same and if i’m honest i don’t think it’s going to work, i’m a different person and so are you as much as you deny it you are, i don’t see you in my future anymore”
I’m distraught, can’t stop crying and feel such an idiot, how can she be so cruel. I feel like my life isn’t worth living 😢

[RM2016]

I suspect this is a very complex story which has caused hurt to all parties. I’m sorry these texts have brought it all up again, teenagers don’t always think through how their actions affect others nor does what they say always reflect how they feel deep down. I wouldn’t take what was said as the gospel and I hope in time bridges can be rebuilt.

[Enchanted]

I imagine a child has suffered a lot in her life to feel like that and there’s a lot more to this story. She must be feeling very hurt to say that.
I hope one day you can resolve it for both your sakes.

[ashilda]

The title of your thread is 'why are people so cruel?' Do you even see her as your daughter any more? Her message is in no way cruel, if anything she sounds very mature and level headed. I'm sorry for the harsh truth but it seems as though you are looking for sympathy when in fact you should be giving it to your child, 14 is a tough age as it is and for a girl who feels estranged from her mother it will be harder still, cut her some slack, put your feelings aside and try and rebuild a relationship with her or lose her and regret it in years to come. Family first, always.

[vampiress88]

I dunno if it’s cos I am from parents of divorce or because my father cut me out and I have cut my mother off due to things she did I didn’t agree with that I may be bias but in the last 6 months did you try to be in her life? I know from experience that parents change when they find a new love and it doesn’t always go well for the kids. Being 14 with divorced parents is hard. I think you need to apologise to her that you have made her feel that way and ask to see if you can somehow mend bridges and ask what she wants to make her happy as that’s what mums want in life is for kids to be happy

[Lisa-72]

I’m not looking for sympathy!
Yes she is still my child, I love her and her brother unconditionally.
I left the marital home as I had a breakdown, I felt it was best for both children to be left with their dad until I was in a more stable place.
My children have always been my priority, I have given them everything.
My ex was mentally abusive toward me, my son was physically abusive toward me.

The point of my post was I was upset about what had happened, I honestly thought she was contacting me to rebuild our relationship not play with my emotions.
I am unable to contact her as she has blocked my number, my son does not want contact-I accept he is an adult at 20.

No one should ever have to endure abuse in any form and at the time I did what I thought was best.

[happytraveller]

Bless you xx I can’t imagine your pain, but do know what it’s like to have a child emotionally dissapoint you. I’ll be honest only now at nearly 46, do I look back and realise that although I never had the best relationship with my Mum, she went through a hell of a lot in life. When I was younger, I didn’t see it. Don’t give up hope xx

[scottishmum]

I agree, don’t give up. Your daughter is at a very crucial age here, she is still yet to mature.
In the future when she has done she may well realise she does want s relationship with her mum.
Thinking of you all.

[Lisa-72]

January this year when I last spoke to her, Friday night we FaceTime as usual, make arrangements to meet on the Saturday-lunch and shopping as we did every weekend. An hour later a text to say I won’t be meeting you. I thought she meant her dad couldn’t drop her off. I text back straight away and she’s blocked me.
Zero contact, I’ve text, I’ve rung, I cannot visit the house because of my son.
What else can I do? They’ve all blocked my number, I’ve asked her dad to keep me updated with how she is-he doesn’t.
What else can I do?

[happytraveller]

Originally Posted by Lisa-72

January this year when I last spoke to her, Friday night we FaceTime as usual, make arrangements to meet on the Saturday-lunch and shopping as we did every weekend. An hour later a text to say I won’t be meeting you. I thought she meant her dad couldn’t drop her off. I text back straight away and she’s blocked me.
Zero contact, I’ve text, I’ve rung, I cannot visit the house because of my son.
What else can I do? They’ve all blocked my number, I’ve asked her dad to keep me updated with how she is-he doesn’t.
What else can I do?

See more...

All you can do is keep the line of communication open. What they choose to do with that, you cannot influence. I would hazard a guess that perhaps some misinformation has been put about. But you cannot do anything about that. I can Imagine this hurts no end, but you’ve been through a lot. You need to build yourself up. You have to no longer be a part of this emotional rollercoaster, it’s destroying you. Make it clear you’ll always be there and keep in contact at crucial times, but other than that right now, you need to take care of you. Their father knew you were ill and why you left, he should be ( and I don’t know he isn’t, so apologies if I’m speaking out of turn) be encouraging them to rebuild a relationship. Whatever is going on, the truth will come out. Until that day, all you can do, is make sure your conscience is clear you never turned them away