Family problems. Need advice. Not sure if this is the place.

[littlelish0544]

Originally Posted by JudyC

It might just be me but I think this can cause problem, getting a car just because you turn 18 regardless. Our older two who are 29 and 27 didn't get cars automatically. They saved up when they had a job and we helped them out a bit, paid first years insurance but that's all. Same with the driving lessons, we paid for a block of ten then that was it they funded the rest. Younger DS who is 22 still hasn't passed his test or got a car yet. I sometimes give him a lift, but often he gets the bus, or even walks!
Same with houses. We helped DS out a bit and so did his Nan and Grandad. DD is saving for a deposit, and when she's built up a decent amount we'll help out. What I'm saying is I'm all for meeting them halfway, but they've got to have a job and put in the effort saving first.

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When I met my dh, he started saving a little every month for my two children to get them a car at 18 as his grandfather had done this for Him(they were five and eight when we met) nothing special, just a run around between £500 and £850. My DD didn't get a car at 18 as she had been so vile. At the time ds deserved his, but he paid for his own insurance and driving lessons. It was a helping hand as opposed to a facilitating a life style, I should have explained myself a little more, apologies.

[klr15]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

Would you have let her walk home then? I doubt she has a cab fare.

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Well what would have happened if the husband or mum couldn't have picked her up for some reason? She probably knew that the buses didn't run on a Sunday and even if she didn't, she should have checked. she's a grown adult and could have a found way home for herself or she could have stayed at the boyfriends for another night.

[yogadeb]

Originally Posted by skalexander

I'm not a parent so basically have no right to give advice - but it sounds like you need to sort your husband out before dealing with your kids. His laid back, sitting on the fence approach is the reason your relationship with your kids is in such a bad way - you can't always be bad cop and him good cop. He needs to support you so you are presenting a united front. Sorry, just my view, as an outsider

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Agree with this entirely , I had the same problem with my hubby till I flipped out and said he must step in as I'm going to have a flipping breakdown otherwise .

Once we were united and made some changes and he steps in more , things got better .

[Danielle24]

I'm assuming she would just spend a night at her boyfriends? If so I wouldn't have went to get her.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

Would you have let her walk home then? I doubt she has a cab fare.

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I would have. I'm sure she knows buses don't run on Sunday. Let the boyfriend get her home.

[Guest]

following with interest
is she leaving at the end of the month?
ds tried the pick me up card a few times last time I put my foot down and made him walk
he hasnt bothered again unless hes got a bus fare!

[Lindaelaine]

Originally Posted by Queen of Herts

Just to update, she has just asked for a lift home from the boyfriend's house 18 miles away as she didn't know the buses aren't running. So of course DH has gone down there to pick her up. So once again she gets her own way. Let's hope he hasn't let her walk all over him during the drive home.

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She is playing you, i wouldn't be surprised if she turns it around and blames you for taking her car away, she knows you won't leave her stranded .i hope your DH gives her what for when he picks her up. You both need to lay the law down now otherwise her behaviour will continue and will just get worse.

[CarolynU]

So did you text her on Boxing Day and say that she has to move out by the end of this month but you won't follow through? If that's the situation then its an idle threat, which she knows, and so will take no notice of you over anything.
Or are you intending to get her to go no matter what sometime in the next two weeks maximum?

[Guest]

Her boyfriend should at the least have gotten her a taxi and gone with her

[DisneyExplorers]

honestly, I am 19 and even I will admit she needs the biggest kick up the backside! how awful is it that she thinks that she can disrespect you both in such ways! not once am I saying that at times I wasn't hard work because me and my mother would get into some disagreements but I would never do what she has done! drugs are a no go I don't care if they are fun or cheaper than drinking, a lot of my friends do it and I have always refused as it's vile! my sister was a lot of hard work and I watched the same battles you are having (shes four years older than me) and countless times she my mother made her move out until she learnt respect and manners. She moved out at 17 and ever since she realised how hard it is to stand on her own two feet her and my mother get along amazing.
I don't agree with some of your comments saying that my generation ask for everything to be handed to us because I bloody damn work hard and I drive a new car and own my own house, nothing was handed to me on a silver platter? don't get me wrong my mother spoilt me rotten but I never was ungrateful for it. she is taking the mickey out of you and you are letting her by being a push over.
I will tell you honestly, if she can take a run at you and you let her, oh boy she will keep doing it. so cut the funding, take anything you have paid for and ask her leave and when she goes to bag up all the expensive things, take them off her unless SHE paid for them.
she sure as hell will throw a tantrum but its your money not hers.

when it comes to your son, don't let him get away with things because you think he has autism, that's an excuse for him acting like a child. Not a chance would that happen in my family, yes you have something that is hard and restrictive but you get yourself together and you carry on. he doesn't pay, he doesn't eat your food, or shower or any of it. nothing.

you and your husband need to put your foot down and show them not only do you deserve respect but you fully demand it if they are going to live in your house and be in your life. God, I would have kicked their behinds a long time a go, the longer it goes on the worst it gets.