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Unread 3 Mar 18, 11:55 PM  
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buryboy
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Our MOST ANNOYING ( but shouldn't have been ) trip to Tenerife February 2018 (an homage to the dibb)

I thought I would do a trip report on our week in Tenerife with a twist. Some of the report is true, some of it has been shall we say " embellished" in tribute to the fabulous " annoyed " thread

https://www.thedibb.co.uk/forums/sho... php?t=1064467

There are also a few subtle references to other well known threads from weeks , months or years ago.

Apologies in advance to anyone who has difficulties with dyslexia, grammar etc or to anyone who does some of the annoying things themselves in their daily life . No intention to offend, just thought I would try to bring a smile to a few faces.

How many annoying things can you spot ?

So, the trip was me ( " hubby" ) DW ( "mum" ) , DD and DS . A week in Tenerife at the Columbus aparthotel in Playa de las Americas flying with Jet2 from Glasgow. I carnt go into details but we payed a lot less flying from Glasgow as we pacifically needed to go during half term. I must of saved a fortune but did wander if the drive their and back would generally be worth it from Bury.

Saturday 17th February

I done the drive up to Glasgae in about 4 hours. Beautiful winters' day listening to the footy on the radio. I were generally surprised by how quite the road's was. I will defiantly do this route again, the extra mile's haven't effected us genuinely.

After a pit stop at the motorway services , with generally the worst parking across two spaces I have ever seen ( this bit was real and the inspiration for my report but unfortunately no piccies ) we got to our tea spot, the Toby Carvery at Braehead. Just what I would of expected of a Toby Carvery food wise, but more like a American diner in layout. Great location by some fab car dealerships and right by the motorway.

On to our 29.50 Premier Inn booking by the airport. Did what it says on the tin. No issues with the fact our DD is 19 and classed as a child on the booking. We had pre-booked the Flying Scot parking at just 2.70 a day ( discounted price as staying at Premier Inn) and it were easy to find , they just dropped me back off at the hotel.

Sunday 18th February

Had set the alarm for 6 o'clock . Got woken by DS's alarm first . What time is it son ? " "5.55"



( why does 5.55 sound so much worse than 6am? ) Eeeeek ! Got to the airport around 640 for our 845 flight. Brekkie at the Wetherspoons in the airport , a few snacks bought at Tesco express and form Greggs and on to security control. OMG Huge que, generally panicked when I looked at the time on my "6" , it was 7.55 . I could of died. As the que snaked round, I asked a family in the snake ahead of us if we could jump ahead of them. "Yes". But as we sneaked under the barrier, the security officer came along. "You carnt do that". Mum started crying as i explained are gate was the furthest away and are flight was due off in 45 mins. Thankfully , he let us threw. I drew him a heart shape with my hand.



Running towards the gate, Grannies blocking the way, kids trying to push suitcases blocking the way, people genuinely just stopping in front of us for no reason, toddlers on trunkies, I must of told about ten of them to "do one " but using more colourful completely unnecessary language.

Got to the gate just in time for boarding. Had to wait behind a dozen Geordies who got in the que way before there row were called. " Aw, sorry pet, just wanted to get a good seat" said the one whose sunglasses had caused her fake tan to smudge.

Flight was ok. Brought some samwiches off the trolley dolly. Bloke in front of me tried to drown out the noise of the kid who was screaming and crawling on top of the seats for the whole flight by playing his thrash metal so loud he needn't have bovverred with headphones. Huge cheer and applause when we landed.

Cases redeemed quickly from the carousel. Managed to successfully face plant the kid who stepped beyond the blue line so all was well. Got the 450 TITSA ( great amusement from DS14 on seeing its name) bus as planned to our hotel. Local druggie sat next to me which at first I found a little off putting but his prices were reasonable , so all good in the end

Hotel check-in fine. I had emailed in advance for our room preferences and pretty much got what was asked for. Top floor , 2nd room from the right on the image




Off to the supermarket Hyperdinos. Walked around the car that was in front of the entrance doors . Barged past the woman blocking the first aisle, only to be met by another blockage , the infamous woman leaning on trolley



Finally reached the checkout with my 6 items .Only one checkout open. I Was just behind a Spanish lady doing her monthly shop. Asked her in my best Spanglish if I could go ahead of her. " non" . Bloody foreigners. She proceeded to prattle on to the checkout girl who must have been a long lost relative . Finally she puts all the shopping through , then she decides she has forgotten to get milk. Comes back, STARTS loading her bags , then decides she needs to actually pay. Her handbag is in the car with her husband waiting patiently outside the shop. OMG .

Half an hour after going in , finally my turn at the check out. All was good with the bread and milk but my slimming world magazine , doughnuts and full fat coke seem to stir the checkout girl's charm offensive , and you can imagine my horror when they're is no price label on my condoms and Maria calls across to the other checkout girl to ask her how much they should be . Couldn't wait to get out of their.

DInner was the Aberdeen steak house on the beach front. Scouser on the door. Spanish waiters. Not much Aberdeen about it, but good food - excellent mixed grill for 6.95

Monday 19th February

We were self catering, but decided for the first morning we would treat ourselves to a hotel breakfast in the food court. Well, payed for brekkie for me and DS. DD bought down some of the bread we had brought at Hyperdinos the night before. Used the hotel toaster , oh and the butter, oh and some sausage, bacon , beans and egg that we got from the buffet. Well, we had payed for it for us, no problem in passing the odd bit on to DD I though.
DW had a little rustle around and got her baps out. You know , the ones she had brought from the Greggs at the airport



Well, the next few minutes didn't go as well as planned. Some German had spotted that we had taken advantage of the hotels " hospitality" , and guess who turned up . Yes, you guessed it



I couldn't believe what was going on, all over some bread and a couple of baps ( or were they cobs, bread buns, tea cakes, barms, rolls, batches, bread cakes, morning rolls, buns, softies, burger buns, muffins or oven bottoms ? ) .
Eventually we just explained that just about everyone on the DIBB said it would be OK , and they let us off !

Rest of the day spent at the hotel. Through the Germans towels in to the pool. That will learn them.

Not much health and safety going on at the pistol shooting with a young lad about 6 regularly running across the shooting "gallery" to get his table tennis ball. Then Boules with the maddest Italian sports rep ever. Table tennis and swimming in the afternoon

Early tea ready for Blackburn v Bury on Sky. Got my Bury replica top on to watch the match. Found a pub who agreed to put in on one tele as Citeh were playing Wigan that night as well . Watched with my son, and another guy, but he left 5 minutes from the end to beat the traffic. I found it hard to watch us loose 2-0 . I don't now how Citeh fans must of felt.

Tuesday 20th February

Siam water park day. Got the free open top bus



from the resort. Worked on Spanish " Manana-time" but got us their ok. ( apart from my DD getting whacked by some overgrown Palm trees ) Absolutely top water park. Quite expensive (35) but we had brought our tickets from attraction tickets direct (31)which entitled us to a free burger each as well. Awesome wave pool, free sun beds/ parasols and just the best raft / tube slides . The newest slide Singha possibly the best ( and coldest) waterpark ride I have ever been on, but sooooo funny. Free bus ride back " home"

Dinner at the Patch restaurant . My DD has an eating disorder so I asked for her meal off the children's menu. Mum was next to order, and, concerned that the waiter hadn't understood my request for DD , re-iterated " children's " , before making her own order. Lost in translation, not only did my DD get the requested kids meal, Mum got a kids version also ! . Food was ok, but the waiter was really funny and made the meal ( not literally, the chef made it, but you get what I mean )

Wednesday 21st February

Beach day . Off we set, walking just behind a fella minding his own business, jingling his change in his pocket while whistling a tune to himself. He pressed the pedestrian crossing button, but nothing was coming so he crossed over. We followed him. Just after we got across, he turned round. Must of forgotten something. Traffic lights were by now on red, so all good it seemed for him to cross back over. Suddenly SPLAT, he got knocked over by two cyclists riding abreast the road in lovely matching outfits who had ignored the red light. We helped him to his feet and organised an ambulance for him. He was so grateful . We was worried about him but thankfully he sent us a selfie with bunny ears from the hospital showing how he had only broken both legs. All good then.

Morning was largely cloudy but brightened up as the day went on. Me and DS must've forgotten the sun cream on our legs. Not much affect on DS ( I did wander how) but



Mum was fuming as she pacifically warned us .

Dinner was at the restaurant next to the PATCH - forget its name. Waiter chewing gum comes up to us " hi folks, what can I get you ? " Grrrr. So I beat him at his own game with a " can I get the wifi password please ? ".
Food was excellent.

Thursday 22nd February

After copious amounts of after sun , another Siam Park day for me and DS ( half price 2nd visit if organised before you leave your first day) Mum and DD had a chill instead and met one of Mum's work colleagues in Los Cristianos. Thankfully was a dull day as my sunburn was hurting a little. Rides were walk ons and we got loads done.
I were just having a samwich when my6 rang. It was work. " sorry to ring you on your hols ( Madge in the office said I shouldn't ring but seeing as she is on her fag break, she won't know) , but seeing as I am much busier than you, I knew you wouldn't mind. Told him how upset I was . " I was only joking" he soothed me with. He said he needed to reach out to the team and was going to send an email to a few of us as we need to think out of the box and do some blue sky thinking and he wanted to make sure I got it. " ok, I will read it later I am on holiday " I retorted. He came off the phone with a " ok, have a good 'un , bye, bye, bye , bye "

Great day at the water park. When me and DS got back to our hotel, turns out Mum and DD had formed a friendship round the pool with Chesney and Chayenne, and their son Bud and daughter Nylon . And had agreed for us all to go out to dinner.
I needed some more cash first, so off to the cash point . PIN number successfully entered, couldn't believe it when the next question was " cual Es tu favorito Womble ? " . Finally got my money and time for dinner

Could of died when our dinner guests turned up









Yes, tank top man, fake tan woman, girl with big black eyebrows and ears poking through hair, and tattood face boy

Dinner was a disaster. The kids ran amok in the restaurant . Only stopped when it was time for Bud and Nylons 'getti". I just knew they were both going to have the 'nana splits for afters. Time comes to pay. Chesney suddenly perks up with " we are skint, only got 500 euros to last us the last 2 days, can you pay ? . To avoid a scene, I agreed. To be met by fistbumps all round

Despite us trying to get away after the meal, they insisted we went to see the hypmotist. Nylon agreed to get up to be hypmotised. I could have wept when he got her to sing Ed Sheeran followed by the TUI advert theme . DS was so impressed though. His new BAE.

Friday 23rd February

A cloudy morning. So took the chance to stock up at the supermarket. Came down the lift to be met by a woman with a lovely purple coat


Recognised her , but couldn't place her at first so being the nice person i am, complimented her on her coat. Turns out it was the German who had shopped us at breakfast earlier in the week. " Zat ees nein compliment coming from sie"

Once in the supermarket, was just deciding on what wine to buy, when felt something bump in to me. It was Chayenne in her thong trying to reach round me for a bottle of white lightning. For heavens sake, big fake tan line had rubbed off her onto me.

Items in basket, ( after hunting round after they moved the bread aisle ) same girls on the check outs , so went for the "safety" of the self service till. Had successfully scanned the first two items when got an " articulo inesperado en el area de ensacado" Unbelievable


Friday afternoon we had agreed to meet my auntie who was holidaying in Adeje. It started peeing down half way there so we took shelter in the foyer of an underground shopping centre. A "looky looky " man came in to shelter with us. Then bizarrely instead of trying to sell us something, he asked us if we could look after his stuff while he went to bring his car round to the shopping centre. I know a lot of people can be intimidated by the looky looky men, but he was a real nice guy and we couldn't say no.

The rain stopped , we met up with my auntie ( what an amazing women she is) and had a lovely afternoon having coffees ( 2.95 each, thankfully, they put the price up to 3.05 the next week ) and ice creams

Followed by a nice meal at a seafront restaurant with a guy singing old country and western numbers. Took DW back to when her dad was alive , he was a big fan so she reminisced about many childhood memories.


Saturday 24th February

Final full day of our "journey" and the best weather of the week. Mum and DD soaked up the rays next to Chesney Chayenne and co ,whilst DS and I played table tennis and went swimming . During a break, we had a lie down on the us beds also. A little " achoo" came from Chayenne. She blurts out " oh no, I have got the flu from that rain yesterday . I'm going to get into bed with my jimjams. Hubby , you can do the baby sitting"

Lovely afternoon after that, apart from the bloody woman commentator giving score updates from the ground at Gigg Lane. At least Bury won , which doesn't happen often . Why do women think they now anything about sport ?

Had a great final evening meal at the BORA BORA restaurant overlooking the sea towards Adeje . Lovely three course meal for 7.95 served by a charming Chinese family.

Sunday 25th February

Up and pretty much packed by 10, we had a good filling cooked breakfast ( at the Savoy no less - ok , not THAT Savoy , one down near the beachfront ) - to set us up for what would turn out to be a VERY long day.
Hopped on the 1145 TITSA to the airport, no panics over timings today, we made sure that we were through security and down by the gate in good time.
Then the heavens opened.
We boarded the plane a little behind schedule, about 2.15 for a 2.25 flight time, got all buckled in, then " this is your captain speaking ... The rain had caused too much surface water and the runway was closed. Great. This carried on for about two and a half hours until we finally set off a little after 5pm. Nearly 3 hours sat on a plane without moving anywhere isn't my idea of fun, especially when it meant I could watch the text of Yernited beating Chelsea.

The only thing that chirped me up a little was getting this little beauty of a text from JET2. When we had been firmly ensconced on the plane for about an hour and a half.



We finally landed about 9.15 pm. Bags collected by 10 , car collected by 10.30 McDonald's finished by 11.00 , and the drive home completed at 2.20 in the morning. The big saving I made on the flight price by flying to/from Glasgow had to be constantly brought back to the forefront of my mind during that long drive back on a deserted motorway in the dead of night.

For those of you who recall the thread about how far you travel to /from the airport , my answer is TOO BLOODY FAR !

On a personal note, was really pleased with how my daughter managed on her first trip abroad for nearly 4 years. Everywhere we ate, there was no problem with her eating from the children's menu. No questions asked. Occasionally even then, the portion size was a little " scary" for her, or the pizza was too oily , but on the whole she managed really well. She tires easily, so no late nights clubbing for us, but a great relaxing break , apart from a few slightly annoying moments :-)
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Our MOST ANNOYING trip to Tenerife February 2018 ( an homage to infamous dibb threads

Edited at 10:17 PM.
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Unread 4 Mar 18, 12:28 AM  
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FloRidaLvr
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Great trip report full of laughs , thanks !
Especially good you all got away together and your daughter enjoyed herself .

Eventually we just explained that just about everyone on the DIBB said it would be OK , and they let us off !
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Unread 4 Mar 18, 12:35 AM  
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Very clever, it gave me a good laugh at times 😂. Glad to hear it (mostly) went well and your DD was ok
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Unread 4 Mar 18, 12:35 AM  
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Fab! Chuckled at this but those blisters on the legs made me feel a bit ill 🤣
Glad your daughter is doing well and great to spend a week together on holiday.
I have wondered about flying from Glasgow as it's often cheaper than manchester due to different school holiday dates but not sure I could cope with the drive on the way home...
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Unread 4 Mar 18, 12:39 AM  
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So funny !
Glad you and your family had a good holiday !
I was at Ewood and even though your team lost they were both as rubbish as each other (although as a female I shouldnt comment on any football matters) !
We are doing the same journey to Prestwick... anything to save a few bob !

Thanks for giving us a laugh !
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Absolutely Brilliant, I laughed out loud quite a few times
Great you had a good holiday
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Unread 4 Mar 18, 01:42 AM  
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I would have believed all of the report but you mentioned Greggs so all of the report musr be made up.. ( There hasn't been a Greggs at Glasgow Airport for some time...)
Had a good laugh though..

Might have seen you at Glasgow Airport as I was working that flight.
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Unread 4 Mar 18, 09:52 AM  
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Thanks to everyone who has said they have enjoyed it


Originally Posted by bighal View Post
I would have believed all of the report but you mentioned Greggs so all of the report musr be made up.. ( There hasn't been a Greggs at Glasgow Airport for some time...)
Had a good laugh though..

Might have seen you at Glasgow Airport as I was working that flight.
We would have been the family legging as fast as we could through to the gates.
The baps picture was the closest one I could get to ladies baps so I had to reference the Greggs element somehow .
If you seriously thought that the rest of the report could have all been true, then I suggest you re-read the "annoyed" thread I am trying to pay homage to and see how many subtle references there are
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Our MOST ANNOYING trip to Tenerife February 2018 ( an homage to infamous dibb threads
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