So I told my girlfriend

[cartoonp]

The new manager of our struggling football team is strict and won’t stand any nonsense. Last Saturday, he caught two fans climbing over the stadium wall and was angry with them. He grabbed them and said: “Get back in there and watch the game until it finishes!”

[aqualiv]

[cartoonp]

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it washout in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time.The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing.

[restrict] Finally,the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That nigh this dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today.It was you, wasn’t it son?”

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that GeorgeWashington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into troublebecause he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree.”

[51-a- good year]

[cartoonp]

[cartoonp]

I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees.

He counted and gave me 13.

“Sir, you gave me an extra."

"That's a freebie."

[cartoonp]

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

[51-a- good year]

After the mini budget my Boss went out and bought a brand new top of the range Mercedes and brought it back to show it off.
Like everybody I said what a great car and he said that if I work really hard for a year or perhaps 18 months then he'll be able to afford another new one!

[51-a- good year]

Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to California finds the red light district and enters a large brothel.

The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Geoffrey's. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.

So she goes over to Geoffrey and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
He leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Pounds?"

[cartoonp]