With our kids when is being protective being overprotective?

[Megandllsmum]

Not sure this is right subject for the dibb but I also know as well as the fun stuff like Disney and pixie dust we do discuss family life sometimes and as you guys on here are the ones I talk to the most online please bear with me and let me know if we are doing it right or wrong or offer advice... Thanks in case I forget to add at end cos I'm gonna waffle.
Lilly is 11 now so has lots of tech gadgets kids similar ages have... She also has autism and I freely admit I am overprotective with her cos I see the things she doesn't and know kids can be cruel sometimes even friends when her social skills are lacking and she just doesn't get it. She currently wants this countdown app cos all her friends have it the one tied in with the Halloween film that tells you when your numbers up😳, she is being open about it and told me who has it which is just about all her friends and the app does clearly state on it it isn't real and just for entertainment value but all the momo stuff scared her silly a few months back for a bit, and these chain letter things that are gruesome you get texted or see online... I'm the one who has to get into bed with her to get her to sleep and explain its not real but when your mind is overactive it's hard to understand I suppose. Anyway she's now said you don't let me have any social media which we don't, I use Google family life to approve any apps she does want and social media at minute is a big no no, but she's getting frustrated and saying we treat her like a baby, Im just looking for reassurance really that I'm doing it right or if not better ways of going around it... The irony being she's very grown up she says but 5 minutes ago was sat with her hands over her ears singing whilst I pushed the hoover around 😳😳... Thanks guys xx

[rosiela]

I think ultimately your instinct will often be right and you know Lilly best. 11 is still young for social media and things (in my old fashioned opinion &#129315 and I think there’s an age limit of 13 anyway for most of them?

I think you are just being sensible to be honest and regardless of what you do or don’t do, the child will always think it’s unfair - but they tend to get over it!

I don’t think you are being too overprotective here x

[Labboy]

You are doing a great job, it is your duty to look after her and that is what you are doing. I even at my age would never download an app telling me when it was over even if it was for fun. I realise she is getting older and may want these things but imo you are her mum and you only want the best for her. So overprotective no, caring yes.

[Megandllsmum]

Originally Posted by rosiela

I think ultimately your instinct will often be right and you know Lilly best. 11 is still young for social media and things (in my old fashioned opinion &#129315 and I think there’s an age limit of 13 anyway for most of them?

I think you are just being sensible to be honest and regardless of what you do or don’t do, the child will always think it’s unfair - but they tend to get over it!

I don’t think you are being too overprotective here x

See more...

I remember years ago with her older sister who wanted Facebook we told her you had to be 13 to have it, not sure if that's still the case, I only joined Facebook myself a month or so ago and am well over the age of approval, anyway on her 13th birthday she was more bothered about having Facebook than her presents lol, I think I'm being right but now hormones are kicking in we are getting lots of rantings and she's way more expressive than she was a couple of years back, I'm also aware though she might get laughed at for not having a lot of these apps her friends do... its very hard, thanks for your reply Rosie 😘

[ely3857]

Totally agree with you. I’m borderline fierce with my kids online. They’re 8 and 10 and both have phones and iPads. They don’t swap numbers with anybody. They literally have each other, myself, their dad and Brown Owl/Akela (when they’re on camp).

They have access to kids YouTube and all app’s (Apps are only on their iPads not their phone) are vetted by DH before adding. I actually don’t even know the password as I didn’t want to be able to add things for them.

I should add that while my kids seem young for having phones my eldest is type1 diabetic and her phone acts as a receiver for her diabetic tech and then sends the info to myself and DH. Both go to youth club and I want to be able to contact them if needs be and while devices are frowned upon at Cub and Brownie camps they’re medical devices needed to allow them the independence everyone else has. Her younger sister has everything she has and uses appropriately.

We also liked to get them the devices young so they could be taught a phone is a phone and not a toy before the desire for social media hit.

There’s a high chances not ‘everyone’ has these apps, your DD just doesn’t know that and feels like the odd one out.

[Megandllsmum]

Originally Posted by Labboy

You are doing a great job, it is your duty to look after her and that is what you are doing. I even at my age would never download an app telling me when it was over even if it was for fun. I realise she is getting older and may want these things but imo you are her mum and you only want the best for her. So overprotective no, caring yes.

See more...

I wouldnt want it either but apparantly it's very popular, she won't watch anything remotely scary so I know she only wants this cos of peer pressure 😳 thank you

[BevS97]

Social media apps all have a minimum age of 13. I told both of my girls they could have it on their 13th birthday and stuck to that. I didn’t want them to lie when they signed up. And my daughter was quite happy with that as she wouldn’t be comfortable lying either.

As for the app, I’d say no. It’s just silliness but it makes some people upset and there is no need for it

[Megandllsmum]

Originally Posted by ely3857

Totally agree with you. I’m borderline fierce with my kids online. They’re 8 and 10 and both have phones and iPads. They don’t swap numbers with anybody. They literally have each other, myself, their dad and Brown Owl/Akela (when they’re on camp).

They have access to kids YouTube and all app’s (Apps are only on their iPads not their phone) are vetted by DH before adding. I actually don’t even know the password as I didn’t want to be able to add things for them.

I should add that while my kids seem young for having phones my eldest is type1 diabetic and her phone acts as a receiver for her diabetic tech and then sends the info to myself and DH. Both go to youth club and I want to be able to contact them if needs be and while devices are frowned upon at Cub and Brownie camps they’re medical devices needed to allow them the independence everyone else has. Her younger sister has everything she has and uses appropriately.

We also liked to get them the devices young so they could be taught a phone is a phone and not a toy before the desire for social media hit.

There’s a high chances not ‘everyone’ has these apps, your DD just doesn’t know that and feels like the odd one out.

See more...

Thank you for replying and I fully get the reasons for you getting your children a phone, lillys had hers a year or so since she started walking home from school without me, at junior school they had to hand phones in at start of day and have them back at end which is fine I just wanted to know she was safe walking home. She's now at comp and I don't know anyone who hasn't a phone. I'm also pretty sure as many of her friends haven't got this app as those that do, not that I'm judging the difference, some are more grown up than her, some don't have restrictions on their phones etc etc, it's just the dramatic effect she will be using that she's the only one who doesn't have it... I really can't wait until she's full of hormones at minute she's just scratching the surface and that's bad enough

[Minnie18]

Morning, when I read your post you come over as level headed and can clearly see and understand both sides of the situation. Personally I don't think you are being overprotective, I think in the online world we now live in you are doing a great job of protecting and guiding your child and at 11 Lilly is too young for social media/death times etc. I think it's one of those situations when you need to be strong and hold your ground.

Sending you hugs

[Megandllsmum]

Originally Posted by BevS97

Social media apps all have a minimum age of 13. I told both of my girls they could have it on their 13th birthday and stuck to that. I didn’t want them to lie when they signed up. And my daughter was quite happy with that as she wouldn’t be comfortable lying either.

As for the app, I’d say no. It’s just silliness but it makes some people upset and there is no need for it

See more...

I get this completely, I think the app is based on promo for the movie and know its not real but some people are way more sensitive than others, my daughter for one... It just made me think am I being overprotective, its looks as though clearly I'm not which is good to know, I don't want her being secretive either that's why we have the family life app and she is aware of this so always asks if she can have an app cos she knows it notifys us, she currently only has apps for games she plays on her ipad so she can still access when out and about, thanks Bev x