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29 Nov 21, 02:01 PM |
#41
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Imagineer
Join Date: Mar 16
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You decision completely on the relationship or contact.
As for the gifts I wouldn't return them. It could be perceived by others that your side are the issue not them. They could be seen as reaching out and not welcomed. Donate to charity or straight in the bin if you don't want the kids to receive them. Be mindful of later discussion though if your kids go on and have contact that it could be perceived that you stopped the contact/gifts. We have similar family issues but I don't stop contact just don't make the first move/shut it down. My kids will draw their own conclusions when older. |
29 Nov 21, 02:38 PM |
#42
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slightly serious Dibber
Join Date: May 13
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Just an observation, but I’ve often noticed that parents seem to have a lot more to do with their daughters children, rather than their sons.
My DHs parents would have always favoured his sisters children, would have looked after them more, every year they would have spent 2 weeks at their house looking after the children so that DH sister and her husband could go on holidays in September, would taken them out places, bought them a lot. For my own children, they were their when required, at Christmas for a short visit to drop off presents before going to their daughters house, they were there at birthday parties in the early years, but stopped coming once they went to school. They only ever looked at my children once and that was in an absolute emergency. Just wondering if that’s what’s happening here? Not saying it’s right, but I have noticed it happening in other families. |
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29 Nov 21, 03:19 PM |
#43
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Imagineer
Join Date: May 10
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Interesting
I love my DIL unconditionally and believe she is the best thing that happened to my son but I do still tread warily around her as I am very careful not to offend, overstep my position or behave with my grandchildren in a way she would not want. With my daughter I say what I think, she tells me if I'm talking rubbish! It is a different relationship. They are both great mums, different parenting but both great as are my son and SIL. It's not easy being a mum or MIL. What one family want and need from us is different from the other. We tred the line! Love them all. |
29 Nov 21, 04:01 PM |
#44
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Apprentice Imagineer
Join Date: Mar 17
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30 Nov 21, 11:15 PM |
#45
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VIP Dibber
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That is certainly our experience - my DMIL has always been heavily involved with her DD and DGS on that side, whereas she has spent very little time by comparison with our two sons - to cite a typical example - she used to go to parents evening for my nephew, but I’m 100% sure she doesn’t even know what school my boys attended!
I have found it particularly hard over the years, but my DH just lets it go over his head, so I’ve had to work hard at letting it go as well (I feel upset on DH’s behalf, but if he isn’t bothered then I shouldn’t be either). We haven’t got a bad relationship with them, but they all feel more like cousins we see occasionally, whereas my mum (before she sadly died) was very involved with us, so my boys thankfully haven’t missed out. I suspect it is, as you say, a mother/daughter thing - although as a mum of two boys, I just hope we never lose the closeness we have now 😢 |
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1 Dec 21, 07:36 AM |
#46
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Imagineer
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I agree with this mums and daughters. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. I love them all but have far more contact with my daughters. We meet up , they come round for lunch . My sons one lives in Australia and the other a few hours away. I have 1 grandson with my oldest so. When he split from his partner she moved back to her parents. They are both retired . My husband and and I are in work. I do shifts so work most Saturdays.,We don’t get to see our grandson much as we would like and his other parents have him living with them. The distance makes it really hard..
Edited at 08:47 AM. |
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1 Dec 21, 09:22 AM |
#47
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Imagineer
Join Date: Oct 16
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Just another perspective on daughters and in laws.
I think we assume that our husbands do the same for their mums as we do, little texts, morning calls, pics of the kids, calling in for coffee etc, well mine doesn’t and it took me a long time to realise that, it’s not from a lack of wanting to but they just don’t think the same. So I think that explains why the gaps emerge, as the mother in law does not get the contact from the son that we give to our mums. In the example above about parents evening, have you reached out to your mum in law and invited her ? I would of course mention it to my mum, it’s parents evening next week, just in passing, then she will say oh can I come- of course , but that exchange just would not happen with the mum in law. We love them equally, but it is a different relationship. You have your daughter for life but your son only until he meets his wife ... Edited at 09:24 AM. |
1 Dec 21, 09:29 AM |
#48
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Imagineer
Join Date: Apr 21
Location: Hertfordshire
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1 Dec 21, 09:39 AM |
#49
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Imagineer
Join Date: Jul 13
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I have to agree with this, I speak to or see my mum most days but my husband hardly sees his mum despite her living in the same street.
When we first got together I tried to encourage the relationship by inviting her for dinner etc but to be honest my husband just isn’t interested, I regularly invite my family for Sunday dinner but DH never asks his mum. MIL idea of being a grandparent is waving to the kids when they pass her house on the way to school, I’ve told her we have an open door policy for visiting but she never comes near. |
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1 Dec 21, 10:18 AM |
#50
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VIP Dibber
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I think it depends on the in laws relationship with their own family too. My eldest son is very close to me and his wife is too but she doesn't have much family herself, my son in law is estranged from his mother and says I am more like a mum than his has ever been, my younger sons wife is very close to her mum so she always comes first, but we still have a good relationship and my youngest granddaughter constantly reminds them of me. 😂
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