Painting Trellis-A message of hope for those suffering with mental health

[Wazza]

There’s been a few posts about those suffering with their mental health so I thought I’d share my story. Some of what follows may be upsetting to some for which I apologise.

So my problems go way back to when I was a kid and suffered at the hands of a relative for nearly 10 years.

I kept this to myself for years, too ashamed to tell anyone. I didn’t realise the problems i was storing up until I fell apart in 2018 and decided the world would be better off without me. September 10 2018 I spent a couple of hours painting trellis in the garden, but the whole time I was planning how to end it all. The following day I drove to a secluded spot and tried to gas myself. Thanks to the quick thinking of my daughter (then 15) the police found me in time

Even then I thought I could bumble through not realising the strain I was putting on my family.

Fast forward to 2020 and working from home. Everyone thought I was enjoying it but only I knew my mental health was falling apart again and I was messing up my job to the point I was dismissed on disciplinary grounds at the start of Dec. This was too much for Mrs Wazza and at the age of 52 I moved back in with my parents.

Dec 12 I went for an afternoon walk. An hour later I phoned Mrs Wazza. I was in a crumpled heap in floods of tiers at the top of a multi storey car park. I’d seriously contemplated throwing myself off.

My parents collected me and the following day I phoned Crisis who were a big help.

I moved back to the family home Dec 23, the plan was it was only to be for about a week so I could enjoy Xmas with the girls. A positive Covid test for Mrs Wazza on NYD extended that.

Crisis have been fantastic arranging counselling on a weekly basis. Mrs Wazza came to the first few sessions to try and understand what I was going through. They’ve also arranged for me to receive different counselling from an abuse charity to help deal with my past.

The upshot is things are slowly getting better. Counselling is ongoing and I’m still living with Mrs Wazza and the girls and we’re planning for future. There’s a spark back between me and Mrs Wazza that had probably been missing for a few years.

I know it’s still early days but I can feel my mental health improving and I can see light at the end of the tunnel rather than a big black hole and I’m on the path to being the person Mrs Wazza and the girls deserve.

So if anyone is suffering I’ve got two messages. 1. Seek help, be it 111, your GP or your local Crisis Team. 2. Speak to your friends and family, don’t suffer in silence and try to hide it. It doesn’t work.

So back to the title. Last Sunday I was painting trellis again but this time all I was thinking about was how nice the garden will look for DDs 18th at the end of April and how calming it was just to be doing something simple and mundane. This may seem like a small thing to most, but to me it was huge.

So if you’re suffering get help, it’s out there.

[vowels]

Wazza, I cannot imagines how difficult that must have been to post, but thank you for doing so.

I am thankful you are still with your family, and with us, and wish you and your family happiness and peace. You are a brave man. ❤️❤️❤️

[2point]

A powerful and brave post.

A bit speechless tbh but if that helps just one person then it's a very proud day for you.

[Colette-S]

Very touching post Wazza, you are brave and very strong to share that. It’s great to hear that things are improving and it sounds like you have a lovely, supportive family.
Best wishes and lots of love to you all x

[maidmarian]

You are very brave to come on here and say this... Mental Health is one of the biggest killers and to get that help and come through it is an achievement in itself.
Stay on that strong road, life is worth it 😘

[EssexSue]

What a brave post, I did miss your postings but had no idea obviously, glad you felt able to share and hope it helps someone else. X

[scottishmum]

What a brave post and the last part really touched me, you were able to recognise how much better you felt while doing that same painting of the trellis.
Hoping for happier days ahead for you and the family.

[daisymae]

Thanks for sharing your story Wazza very brave of you. It’s an inspiration to know that there can be light at the end of the tunnel. My son is going through a terrible time at the moment having been dismissed from his job but it has allowed him to open up to us what he has been going through for the last 2 years and we didn’t even realise a lot of it. At this moment he can’t see things getting better but thankfully he knows we are here for him. You seem to have a very supportive family and I wish you well x

[whlparkstone]

Wazza, I read your post with tears in my eyes. What an incredibly brave man you are, not only to go through what you have been through, but to share it with us here.

I really hope that the path you are in now leads to happy healthy times for you. And I hope that your post here encourages others to seek help, your words have made a difference to me

[Gull]

Wow ! Just shows that the saying, you never know what someone else is going through, is so true. Thank you for sharing your story 💜 Wish you and your family strength, courage and happiness going forward xx