Advice please on sickness leave and bereavement.

[lindaj]

I think you need to take as much time as you want. Losing one parent is bad enough but to have another one terminally ill at the same time is bound to affect you. Speak to your Gp I am sure he will give you a sick note for longer under the circumstances. Never push yourself too hard otherwise you will eventually burn yourself out. You have my heart felt sympathy.

[mrsnicola]

Thank you all for responding it’s really lovely. I think I’m just having a bad day.. I’m going to go to the gp on Monday and see what they suggest. I think by going back it’s like my life is normal but I can’t hide that it’s not. Thank you for lots of nice words xxx

[18thowl]

I'm so sorry that your Dad died and that your Mum is so ill.
I work in a school too and returned at the start of this term having been off since May due to bereavement. I have found it absolutely exhausting and ended up being poorly with a flu-like illness. I guess my advice would be take your time, perhaps consider a phased return and (if you work directly with the children/young people) don't underestimate how hard it can be to be "on stage" all the time.
Much love to you.

[Edna Cloud]

First of all, may i offer you my condolences. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, having lost both mine now. I agree with others that everyone is different, but to give an alternative view to most people on here, I knew that I had to face going back to work at some point, so felt that I had to just get on with it. My mother died on a Friday; I had the next week off to arrange the funeral. The following week, I was back in work for two days, the funeral was Wednesday and I took the rest of the week as leave so that I was back properly the following Monday. I think it helped to get back into the routine to just get me through the days. Yes, sometimes I sat at the computer with tears pouring down my face; my team were brilliant: they never questioned me, but a cup of tea would appear silently at my elbow.

However hard things seem now, in time they will get better. I wish you all the strength you need to get there.

EC

[Minnie18]

Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and sending you hugs. I am so sorry for your loss and your mum being ill. My advice would be to put yourself first and take each day as it comes and do what feels right for you.

[joxxxxx]

My GP won’t sign you off due to bereavement as “you should expect your parents to die before you”. So when my Dad died I had one day off for his funeral, when my Mum died two years later I took two weeks A/L as I had to clear out the council house. My only contact from work was to ask when I was coming back. So if your work and GP are supportive don’t be rushed back as I don’t think I have ever properly grieved.

[Emmie2016]

I'd take aslong as you need with the support of your work and GP. I went back after 2 days after my mum died. I didnt face my grief and took on far too much, I was covering 3 other peoples jobs and had a breakdown.

I was signed off for acute stress reaction and off for 3 months, it developed into PTSD. I had to go to counselling as I couldnt leave the house within having a panic attack.

So take time you need and take the help given from your GP. Your health is important too.

I'm soo sorry your going through all this ❤

[mrsnicola]

Originally Posted by Edna Cloud

First of all, may i offer you my condolences. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, having lost both mine now. I agree with others that everyone is different, but to give an alternative view to most people on here, I knew that I had to face going back to work at some point, so felt that I had to just get on with it. My mother died on a Friday; I had the next week off to arrange the funeral. The following week, I was back in work for two days, the funeral was Wednesday and I took the rest of the week as leave so that I was back properly the following Monday. I think it helped to get back into the routine to just get me through the days. Yes, sometimes I sat at the computer with tears pouring down my face; my team were brilliant: they never questioned me, but a cup of tea would appear silently at my elbow.

However hard things seem now, in time they will get better. I wish you all the strength you need to get there.

EC

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Hi
Yes that’s how I feel I know I have to go back at some point and the longer I leave it the worse it will be. I think if I’m at home I’m sat waiting for mum to die.. sounds awful when I write it down. I think as it’s happened in the wrong order it’s caught me so off guard. Mum hasn’t once seen me cry with her diagnosis/illness as I’ve tried to be strong so I feel I can’t get upset now. I think if I start to cry I will never stop. I’m thinking I might go back.. give it a go as I know I will need more time off pretty soon with mum. It’s nice hearing other people’s stories as talking to strangers is sometimes better than talking to the closest people 💕 xx

[Edna Cloud]

Originally Posted by mrsnicola

Hi
Yes that’s how I feel I know I have to go back at some point and the longer I leave it the worse it will be. I think if I’m at home I’m sat waiting for mum to die.. sounds awful when I write it down. I think as it’s happened in the wrong order it’s caught me so off guard. Mum hasn’t once seen me cry with her diagnosis/illness as I’ve tried to be strong so I feel I can’t get upset now. I think if I start to cry I will never stop. I’m thinking I might go back.. give it a go as I know I will need more time off pretty soon with mum. It’s nice hearing other people’s stories as talking to strangers is sometimes better than talking to the closest people 💕 xx

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I admire your approach and wish you all the best with it; I'm hoping your work colleagues will give you the support you need. Don't expect to feel 100 per cent straight away: all you can do is allow the routine of putting one foot in front of the other each day carry you closer to the time when you will be more at peace with the trauma you have suffered.

Thinking of you.

EC