Teen son not making decision about holiday

[Reereef]

Hi there!

I have a teen boy, who will be 17 in June.

He’s a sensible kid for the most part, but he’s in two minds about whether to come on holiday with us this summer.

We have planned 4.5 weeks in Florida. Including a Disney Cruise.

He has a new(ish) girlfriend (3 months) and doesn’t want to leave her.

I have more to book for this holiday and things that will need to be cancelled if he decides not to come along…preferably before I lose money.

The problem is…he doesn’t want to make a decision yet. He says it’s ‘lose lose’ for him.

If he decides to come with us, he misses out on seeing his girlfriend.

If he decides to stay home, she works two jobs so he might not see her much anyway and he misses out on Florida. Or she might finish with him before we go.

Just a note: he sometimes doesn’t see her for 2-3 weeks at a time due to her jobs and they don’t go to the same school.

I’ve offered for him to join us just for two weeks…not good enough.

He is simply dragging out this decision and I am getting anxious as I have so much I’d like to book or change depending.

I’ve just had two years of no holiday planning due to covid…and now with *122 days* to go, I can’t plan due to an indecisive 17 year old.

I’ve paid for flights and car and the main accommodation…I have more accommodation to book and tickets etc.

Am I being selfish trying to hurry him to make a decision? He gets cross when I bring it up and it turns into an argument.

Any advice?

Thank you 😊

[Reereef]

Sorry, just to add. I have tried to set deadlines…similarly this turns into an argument that I’m putting too much pressure on him.

[mitch84]

I’d just tell him he’s either in our out, and if a decision isn’t made he’s out.
At that age I would likely have stayed at home, or done a week, but I just couldn’t have done 4.5 weeks. I was quite independent though, had a car and a job and a boyfriend. I lost the thrill for family holidays from 13 though unless I had a friend, I would go to my Dad’s (divorced)

[EssexSue]

I think 4 weeks is a long time for a boy that age to be away.

[Mpet]

I think I’d make it clear that there is a final date to make a decision as you will lose money otherwise. At 17 he should understand this.

Once the date has been reached, and he hasn’t made a decision, I would go ahead and cancel his booking. I think that’s more than fair.

[Reereef]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

I think 4 weeks is a long time for a boy that age to be away.

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I agree, and I have no issue with adjusting his holiday down to one or two weeks…or just leaving him home with frequent visits from his Nan, gramps and auntie.
I just need him to decide what he wants to do.

[debs2028]

It’s a long time to be on his own though . Honestly think the shortened holiday would be best idea . Just need to check with airline they allow 17 yr old’s to travel on own . I’d try and persuade him to do this 😀

[Reereef]

Originally Posted by Mpet

I think I’d make it clear that there is a final date to make a decision as you will lose money otherwise. At 17 he should understand this.

Once the date has been reached, and he hasn’t made a decision, I would go ahead and cancel his booking. I think that’s more than fair.

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We’ve done this. And he understands…but he’s also saying that’s ‘pressure’.

Of course it is 🤷

I think he is hoping somehow he can decide close to the date when he knows the score with his GF.

[Reereef]

Originally Posted by debs2028

It’s a long time to be on his own though . Honestly think the shortened holiday would be best idea . Just need to check with airline they allow 17 yr old’s to travel on own . I’d try and persuade him to do this 😀

See more...

We have agreed that if he stays home, he’ll spend a few nights up nans, then a few nights home. Then a few nights back up nans etc
When he’s at home, my sister will check on him occasionally. She lives a 5 min drive away and has to pass daily.

[mandco]

I know it’s hard but you really need to give him a set time to decide at this point I’d only give a few days a week max and after that if he hasn’t decide for himself you make the decision for him- and tell him now what that will be even if you decide to let him do a 2 week split make a decision & stick to it. You’ve given him enough options and have tried to accommodate his situation.
It may be he’s hoping if he drags it out long enough you’ll decide and he won’t have to that way he’s not responsible for any fall out with the girlfriend?

Yes it’s a tough age but ultimately he is old enough to make a decision and it’s not fair on you to keeping waiting indefinitely when you have things to book or cancel based on what he decides.

My ds will be 17 in the summer and has already said he doesn’t want to come with us next time