Some advice please

[AngelBunny123]

I have got myself into an agreement to take my friends daughter to school 2 days a week. I take my own daughter aswel so thought it would be fine as it's only a 10 min walk and helps out my friend so she can get to work on time. Now this girl has always been a bit challenging and causes arguments quite a lot with my daughter so I did know what I was getting myself into really. Anyway, first school run with her yesterday just before we were about to leave she started crying as my daughter fed the rabbits and she wanted to, so sad it wasn't fair. I said she could do it next day. Then she said she didn't want to go to school and it's boring. Same time as stomping her feet and and giving us all filthy looks. Finally managed to get her out the door by hugging her and just giving her the attention she wanted I guess!

Today all was fine at the house but then on the way to school she and my daughter had a race to a lamppost, my daughter won so the little girl had a huge meltdown, started hugging the lamppost and refused to move! In the end I just carried on walking with my daughter hoping she would follow. It all took about 10mins for her to finally walk beside us but she was stomping and wouldn't talk. My daughter asked her if she would like one of her keyring teddies to cheer up but the girl just scowled at her. We ignored it so then the girl shouts 'I didn't even hear you' I said to her well if you said excuse me and not just do a horrible face she would have repeated herself. After this she just kept moaning that my daughter leaves her out at school and won't play with her. This isn't true as I have spoken with school as this little girl has complained about my daughter to her mum/my friend. School said this isn't happening and my daughter is fine. I just don't know the best way to deal with this girl? I will carry on taking her to school as her mum is one of my best friends and she would do the same for me but I think this girl just wants so much attention and I think I'll go mad if it's like this all the time!

[daisymae]

Gosh difficult one this. Have you talked to your friend about her daughter's behaviour in the mornings. You could say that the little girl seems to be finding it difficult about going to school and thought she should know. You shouldn't be having to deal with this when it's not your daughter. Are there issues at home perhaps that she is acting up so much for attention. It sounds like your daughter is a good friend to her even when she's throwing a strop. Is there anyway you can just pick her up as you are leaving for school from her house therefore avoiding any disagreements she wants to start.

[lausan]

I would have to say to her mum that its not working and tell her why then maybe you could all sit down and work something out

[Guest]

Oh wow, that is difficult, its very difficult when it's not a child of your own because you don't want to overstep the mark.

If you're good friends with the mum then i'd just have a quiet word, and if it doesn't improve I really would question whether you can continue taking her to school as it sounds like she needs the kind of attention (and maybe discipline) that only her mum is in the position to give.

[AngelBunny123]

Definitely don't want to over step the mark! I have text my friend this morning and just said her daughters not really a morning person is she. She replied with '😂 I know, good luck!'. I'm just a bit worried her daughter will start saying I'm mean to her. She does this a lot and her mum has fallen out with a few other people because of it. Really don't want it to come between our friendship, which is why I'm reluctant to just outright say to her that her daughters a pain. There is literally no other childcare option for her either. Her elder son has just started middle school which has no after school care so she needs to start work earlier to get back for him and no spaces in breakfast club for daughter. I really feel though at 6 years old she should know better than to behave like this! As soon as she came into our house this morning she went straight into the fridge without asking and got a yogurt. Only realised when she came into the lounge where I was feeding my baby. She knows I don't allow them to eat in the lounge so it felt like she was trying to challenge me!

[Guest]

You have to just be honest with your friend and not beat about the bush . You don't need to be 'mean' or anything just " your dd is doing such and such on the school run and not really listening to me " what if one morning her dd doesn't listen to you and runs off or gets hurt , it's really for everyone's best interests that the mum has a word to her daughter to try and solve this .
Good luck!

[parisdisneyfan]

I'm really sorry and not what you want to hear, but you need to tell your friend that you can't take her daughter anymore. I would be horrified if my two had behaved like this to me let alone to anyone else

You have enough to get ready in the morning with one child and another in a pram (I assume from what you say about the yogurt incident). I know you said your friend would do the same for you but obviously can't as she works. Sorry to sound harsh but unless she can get her daughter to agree to behave politely then don't take her. You have school agreeing with you about things she has complained about so the problem is with this kid and your friend.

Good luck and let us know how it pans out.

BTW a similar thing happened to me when ds was small, a friend had him with her own baby for 2-3 hours one morning a week so I could go in and read at dd's school. In return I had her dd 1 afternoon - trouble was, for her they both slept all morning whereas I had them when they were grumpy and hungry, most weeks I ended up feeding her dd as well as she was nearly always late (she was working as a swim instructor). I think I lasted about 1/2 term and felt awful both telling her and letting dd's school down but just couldn't do it!

[Pino_Spetzberg]

Originally Posted by AngelBunny123

Anyway, first school run with her yesterday just before we were about to leave she started crying ...
Today all was fine at the house but then on the way to school she and my daughter had a race to a lamppost, my daughter won so the little girl had a huge meltdown ...

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Have to agree with parisdisneyfan, I would stop it immediately - your friend will just have to make her own arrangements.
Having been down the same road, its actually easier to stop at the beginning rather than later. Obviously your friend may not be happy but if she is a true friend it won't harm your relationship.
I ended up taking a kicker, finally I just showed my bruised legs and called it a day.
From what you have posted it looks as though you are more friendly with Mum than your daughter is with this girl. You'll end up being late for school and stressed out for nothing.

[daytonababe]

You need to be honest with your friend, because the longer it goes on the more trouble it will cause.

Just say your finding it harder than you thought it would and you can't risk your own daughter being late to school.

And don't let her mum guilt trip you, its not your fault there are no other childcare options.

[sammykitten]

Originally Posted by AngelBunny123

Definitely don't want to over step the mark! I have text my friend this morning and just said her daughters not really a morning person is she. She replied with '😂 I know, good luck!'. I'm just a bit worried her daughter will start saying I'm mean to her. She does this a lot and her mum has fallen out with a few other people because of it. Really don't want it to come between our friendship, which is why I'm reluctant to just outright say to her that her daughters a pain. There is literally no other childcare option for her either. Her elder son has just started middle school which has no after school care so she needs to start work earlier to get back for him and no spaces in breakfast club for daughter. I really feel though at 6 years old she should know better than to behave like this! As soon as she came into our house this morning she went straight into the fridge without asking and got a yogurt. Only realised when she came into the lounge where I was feeding my baby. She knows I don't allow them to eat in the lounge so it felt like she was trying to challenge me!

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the only way this is going to work is if you are firm with your friend and her daughter and set the ground rules now. What you text your friend already is not specific and won't be giving her any inkling of what the issues are. Phone your friend, don't text or email her, ask her round for a coffee without the kids and tell her what you've already experienced in the mornings with her daughter. Tell her the ground rules you'd like to set from now on (ie she does as she's told by the adults in your house when you're looking after her, and if she doesn't do as she's told she is subject to the same sanctions that any other child in your household would get). If your friend doesn't like it, then its up to her to sort out suitable other arrangements for getting her daughter to school.
Your responsibility is to get your children to school, safely, on time and in as decent a frame of mind as you can manage .