So cross! (Girl drama)

[bella9]

Originally Posted by PumpkinKitty

I involved him because he's my dd's Dad and he's getting tired of the situation . I'm currently unwell at the moment and the doctor said no stress so I think he was hoping to step in so I didn't have to deal with it on my own.

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OK, I understand; I was just going by your post. Hope you feel better soon.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by klr15

I don't really understand the parents that storm into school over every argument their child has! How is her daughter going to learn to deal with her own arguments if her mum always gets involved?!

I'd maybe speak to the class teacher and explain the situation and how you feel about this woman repeatedly complaining about your daughter.

A school I used to volunteer in, there was this one boy, spoilt and could be really mean to other children. His mum was coming in every day to complain about what other children had done to her child when really it was him that was being mean to others. Teachers lost all patience with her in the end, not sure what happened but teachers stopped taking her seriously.

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Exactly! That's what she is like . It's really getting to me .
The teacher has tried but even she's starting to get frustrated but has said that sadly she has no choice but to go through it all with with this woman . She's even said she doesn't understand why it's always aimed at dd even though there's another girl who's worse . They weren't even playing together yesterday , she just ran into her by accident which happens all the time in the playground !

[Guest]

Well after reading some of your replies I've told DH that I'll just speak to the teacher tomorrow and see if we can talk with the other mum .
My DH is still going to come home early but we won't speak to the mum, he's just coming for me . It's hard being the outsider as it is without knowing some of the mums are thinking badly of your child. She's no angel but she isn't what this woman is making her out to be

[duchy]

If he steps in it should be to speak with the teacher . Really though if you hope to integrate (both you and your daughter) socially with this very cliquey class then handle it yourself.

My sons infant and junior class was considered to be quite cliquey and I know some of the full time working Mums struggled to get to know the rest of the Mums although no one was intentionally mean (although one was the queen of tactlessness). It was an odd class as very single child was an only child or the eldest sibling so most of the Mums didn't work so the coffee after drop off scenario was huge. I kind of fell between the two as I was studying and then working either part time or shift so sometimes participated and sometimes didn't. As the kids got a bit older and some of the Mums went back to work it got better.
As a newcomer it sounds like you need to break into this fairly tight group as they can't all be awful just they let the other Mum spout on for a quiet life. Why not get involved with the PTA , volunteer for the school fete etc. Let people get to see you as a person (and you'll get to know some of the other Mums as individuals rather than as a group too). It can't hurt and it's got to be better than the current situation.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by duchy

If he steps in it should be to speak with the teacher . Really though if you hope to integrate (both you and your daughter) socially with this very cliquey class then handle it yourself.

My sons infant and junior class was considered to be quite cliquey and I know some of the full time working Mums struggled to get to know the rest of the Mums although no one was intentionally mean (although one was the queen of tactlessness). It was an odd class as very single child was an only child or the eldest sibling so most of the Mums didn't work so the coffee after drop off scenario was huge. I kind of fell between the two as I was studying and then working either part time or shift so sometimes participated and sometimes didn't. As the kids got a bit older and some of the Mums went back to work it got better.
As a newcomer it sounds like you need to break into this fairly tight group as they can't all be awful just they let the other Mum spout on for a quiet life. Why not get involved with the PTA , volunteer for the school fete etc. Let people get to see you as a person (and you'll get to know some of the other Mums as individuals rather than as a group too). It can't hurt and it's got to be better than the current situation.

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I appreciate the sentiment , I'm just not interested anymore .
I tried at the beginning and then again just to be polite, I don't want to get into any groups so to speak (once bitten twice shy at my ds' first school and they were nasty !) as I drop dd off then leave , I don't have time to do coffee mornings etc because I work part time but also have a little business at home as well as my own friends . I just expected a "hello" or even a smile .
I just want this one in particular to lay off my daughter.
DH is just there for moral support , nothing more . I don't quite understand why this should be a mum thing though if I'm honest as we're both her parents ?
Anyway , I have taken onboard that it's best not to speak to her directly so I'll go through the teacher as I'm not having the he said she said anymore , it's pointless and wastes everyone's time and I'm sick of leaving my dd at school sobbing because she's been threatened with no playtime because of an accident
that wasn't explained properly the first time

[Megandllsmum]

Slightly off topic but I don't like cliques , I'm quite friendly in that I say good morning to most people in the school yard and they say it back but there are one group in the school yard who clearly think they are a cut above and you can't infiltrate the circle we have them at work too and people even have their own group circle in the canteen... makes me glad I'm part time.
I'm one of the mums who speaks to teacher about things that go on in school because I know if I talked to the mum whose daughter picks on my little girl I'd lose it and be banned from the yard... I bet you can guess which group she stands with
Hope you get it sorted though xx

[Guest]

Originally Posted by Megandllsmum

Slightly off topic but I don't like cliques , I'm quite friendly in that I say good morning to most people in the school yard and they say it back but there are one group in the school yard who clearly think they are a cut above and you can't infiltrate the circle we have them at work too and people even have their own group circle in the canteen... makes me glad I'm part time.
I'm one of the mums who speaks to teacher about things that go on in school because I know if I talked to the mum whose daughter picks on my little girl I'd lose it and be banned from the yard... I bet you can guess which group she stands with
Hope you get it sorted though xx

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Thank you, glad someone understands .
They're not even a nasty bunch they are just not interested and the complainer seems mostly passive agressive .
The clique at my ds' first school all those years ago were just plane horrible , nasty comments as you walked past , laughing etc.. I think it was worse as we used to be friends but when I decided I'd had enough of being her flunky ,she turned on me and got with this other group.
It's so petty .
I think that's what annoys me is that we can't be adults and just talk about the problems , we have to go through a mediator. I feel sorry for dd's teacher as she's so lovely and has better things to do than listen to this woman every other day ..when I mentioned that I felt I might need to talk to the mum she said "I don't envy you"
Says it all really!

[alp1972]

I know how you feel there is lots of cliques at my DD5 school . Sometimes they speak sometimes they dont . I just go in collect my DD and speak if spoken to but sometimes it feels like I am back at school . I do try to converse with people but I work so am not always there and my DH collects , he also usually drops off as well .I do understand that some people may of been at school together or have older siblings that they have previously made friends with BUT I dont feel there is any need to ignore people . I am from out of the area and so didnt get schooled locally and I have to say I have given up . I did try to get involved with the PTA and help when able for fairs etc but I got spoken to like a child by one of the mums and decided not again . In these circumstances I do feel for you as it is awful to see your children unhappy but I would let the school deal with it and maybe arrange a meeting so you can give you side then if willing maybe a meeting where you and your DH can attend and then maybe another with the teacher and the other mum so you can maybe resolve the issues . Hope you get it sorted .

[duchy]

I do think you are lumping them all together when statistically it's very unlikely.
I was never very keen on the coffee morning gang as a group although as individuals some were lovely but I do remember saying to my husband none of them were really my kind of people but I'd do the social thing for my son so he got included in stuff.
Ironically shortly after that comment I had my first decent chat with one of the Mums who worked full time so usually dropped and ran and her son went to after school club so I only knew her by sight.
We very quickly became friends and that friendship has seen us through births, deaths, holidays, laughter and tears for twenty years until her sudden and untimely death earlier this month. Had I "not bothered" and believe me I understand how you feel and written the lot of them off I'd have lost out on an incredible friendship.

[ERICSMUM]

How is it affecting your DD ? If she's upset, doesn't want to go to school etc then yes I think you should have a quiet word with the teacher and leave it a while to see if things improve.

If your DD is shrugging it off and still happily plays with the girl and her mates, I'd take a step back and leave her alone to manage it herself - it's a
Good learning lesson for you both and maybe her commonsense will rub off onto the other girl.