How to move past a divorce?

[MK_club1987]

I mean I know it's a stupid question with no real answer, but I am really struggling, just a bit of background for anyone who doesn't know, me and my ex wife broke up in September last year, at the time I wouldn't say our marriage was great, and there were problems which for whatever reason we decided we couldn't work through them, the problem is now I look back a lot of the problems at the time were probably caused by me because I was really suffering mentally at the time.

Within about a month of us splitting up, she filed for divorce, honestly at the time I was not in the right frame of mind to even acknowledge it, I've had a lot of health issues the last few months, which I'm still working through now both physical and mental, so I kind of put it to the back of my head, but I've now received a push from her solicitor going on how there will be additional expenses if I don't acknowledge, but I'm really hesitant, I know It's got to be done, but the thought of cutting ties with her after 10 years together (well we won't completely cut ties because of DS) really is hard, I do still love her, she was always the love of my life from when we knew each other at 16, now I'm 33 and I don't think that's ever going to change, I was looking back through a lot of our old photos the other day, holidays to WDW, DLP, Christmases, Birthday's etc, and it's just so sad to see how happy we were.

Ultimately back in September I was the one who pulled the plug, even though I think we were both hinting at it (maybe I'm wrong on that one I don't know), but I massively regret not trying to work through things and get back to how we were just a few years back, it doesn't matter what's been done or said over the last few years anymore, I just hate this thought of moving on.

I don't really know what the point of this post is, I know there's no magical answer, I'm just really struggling with all this, throw COVID/lockdown into the mix and my head is just all over the place.

[kirstya1973]

Hi, I am very sorry to hear that you are struggling but on the other hand, well done for speaking up. I know that a lot of people do not like talking about these sorts of things. Can I ask, have you both just sat down and talked.. have you had any kind of mediation or counselling? Is it something that you could maybe speak to your ex about, just to be sure. Lots of couples go through hard times and sometimes it becomes apparent that the communication had stopped.

[SnowWhite]

It sounds as if you were at that time under a black cloud which is not surprising given the year we've all lived through.
Have you spoken to your wife lately? Who knows; she may be feeling as helpless as you are at the moment.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and wish I could offer more that a virtual hug and my best wishes for you to find a solution that suits you both

[marypoppins38]

My initial instinct are that you should get in touch with her and ask to meet up for a chat. Be honest and open with her about all of what you have put on here and see if there is the chance of working this through and there being a future together. I wish you the very best of luck, take care.

[Floridatilly]

Divorce, mental health issues, covid, its all being thrown at you but I think its great that you can see this 👍🏻
Regardless of any chance of being together again or not I would definitely tell your ex exactly what you put in your post. Be open and honest and explain that this is why you have avoided the whole divorce situation. If you are both not in a place to talk at the moment then send a letter, I do feel a hand written letter is more personal than a text.
Moving on I feel it is too soon for you to be looking back at photos and memories, that is like ripping off the band aid so to speak. You need to let these wounds heal, and they will, it will take a while but you will get there its very early days yet.
Take care, keep talking/ posting because bottling things up won’t help. Speak to your wife about how you truly feel (letter if it’s difficult to talk). Then take one day at a time x x

[soooexcited!]

I think the key is talking re evaluation and time. I found a great app which gave a daily reminder about coping with divorce but I cant for the life of me remember the name. It took me about a year to process it all there were good days and some very dark ones. I should imagine it must be extremely hard if your marriage was a happy one. Mine wasn't but I still looked back on some of it with rose tinted spectacles. Life has a habit of throwing great curve ball sized boulders. We live we learn and eventually heal and you will honest but its early days. Take care x

[louiseybobs]

Agree with previous posters and just wanted to say
Hope you're okay ☺️

[MK_club1987]

Thank you all for the replies.

I have messaged her in the past asking to talk but not got a response, we only seem to talk if it's about DS.

I think I may write her a letter or something, but I just get the feeling she wants to move on especially as she filed for divorce so quickly.

I appreciate all your comments.

[Tinks2014]

I would only say to give her some space. I can imagine she may not be in right frame of mind to talk just yet with what’s going on ...

[Blue nose]

I got divorced many years ago. It was my fault and my choice, my only regret is that I never gave us a chance.

I'm really happy now and have a fabulous partner and two gorgeous kids which I wouldn't have had it things didn't work out the way they did.

It took me literally years to 'get over it' though it was my choice. He'd pop up to remind me occasionally - his new partner was pregnant and he'd tell me I sold 'our house' and he wanted a share.it was endless, constant reminders.

Reach out, a letter sounds good. Then you know you've tried your best. Don't beat yourself up if your ex isn't interested and please just take time to 'grieve'. You don't have to get over it just yet. You may just have to accept it has happen.

Keep posting. We're all here to listen. Take care xx