Will society ever be the same?

[Mr Tom Morrow]

OP. Well done on overcoming such adversity and becoming the strong person you are.
As an aside I like your post as it's very thought provoking

[lesley1960]

Originally Posted by Minnie18

I never used the term broken society and certainly didn't mean to imply that. To put it simply for me personally I find it sad that no one dresses up much now. My husband and I have the same amount of £ from the business I started in which I made him a director he pays becouse thats our way. If only women knew there place? you have totally missed the jist of my thread. Belive me I was battered black and blue from 5 and kicked out at 16 from a man who thought that way its certainly not a manner I condone but thanks for judging me. Enjoy the rest of your evening.

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You actually said has society broken down .
Class can be read as a way of separating people by their wealth or circumstances of birth .If you meant class as something else, then I apologise
Personally I find the idea of a man paying for everything as strange , but then I also know some couples who split everything 50/50 as odd... that's not meant as a personal attack

I expect the person in front of me to hold the door open ,just as I hold the door open for the next person

And when you post on a public forum you have to expect people to disagree

[Minnie18]

Originally Posted by Mr Tom Morrow

OP. Well done on overcoming such adversity and becoming the strong person you are.
As an aside I like your post as it's very thought provoking

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Thanks Mr T,

Yeah its turned out a good thread I've enjoyed all the different posts as your right they are thought provoking.

[BevS97]

Society is always changing. Which decade do we want to go back to and hark as the ‘ideal’ one ?

[EssexSue]

Why does women should know their place be seen as an insult? Surely it depends where they think their place is, we are a long way from the days of a woman's place is in the kitchen!

[400ixl]

I like to think society is fixing itself. Families should support each other regardless of gender or age, thankfully we are losing the status side. Women can be the bread winners, men can be the stay at home father's,domestic chores can be split by whoever has the time to do them.

Sure mistakes will be made and the future generations will get to fix them. It's certainly not breaking down.

People are entitled to live their lives to their own ethical standards, but need to consider modern laws and acceptability as well. Not saying people here don't but whilst some things may still be considered chivalry, others are now considered offensive. Life is all about people core values and how that influences them as individuals.

Personally I hold the core value of equality as primary. Chivalry plays it's part but is gesture based, not dominant and controlling. Getting the balance right is important to me.

[WileyCoyote]

Acts of chivalry or kindness are gratefully accepted by me irrespective of who offers it. On the tube recently I had both an older gentleman and a younger lady offer me their seats as I was struggling with my balance . I was incredibly grateful to both of them for their kindness. As long as we can all do small things like this , it restores my faith in basic humanity.

[returnplanning]

Interesting debate.

Personally, I can't abide dressing up, getting into a suit for interviews is the pits. I'd love to be able to come to work in jeans and Tshirt (or scrubs as I work in a hospital!), but work has a dress code, so I settle for M&S smart trousers (often the cheap end!) T-shirt style top and a cardigan. Having said that, I therefore rarely frequent places that mandate dressing more formally, and only attend if compelled to.

Another higher earner than OH here, but while it doesn't bother me if someone pulled out a chair for me, I wouldn't expect it and if they insisted would find it odd. Holding doors open is manners regardless of whether it's a woman holding the door open for a man or vice versa, again, I wouldn't hang back if I got to the door first waiting for someone to open it.

[duchy]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

Why does women should know their place be seen as an insult? Surely it depends where they think their place is, we are a long way from the days of a woman's place is in the kitchen!

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I guess because it's hard to imagine anyone saying that a man should know his place ?

I do think fewer women look for a man to "look after them" and fewer men look for a women who expects to be looked after , the attitude tends to be looking for mutual looking after each other .
I know my husband in his fifties expects to look after me and it took some adjusting both for. Him to realise he didn't have to and for me to accept his looking after is how he shows he cares.
Things are changing.

[Scaramouche]

I’m 26 and OH is 35.

We change in front of each other every day (several times if I’m trying to get ready to go out! ), although we don’t routinely shower in front of each other I wouldn’t think twice about calling him in if I’ve forgotten a towel/can’t reach the shampoo because he’s put it on the top shelf (AGAIN! ) 😂. Some showers are big enough for two!

We like to dress up, we make an effort whenever we go out for dinner/for the evening, weddings are always a 3 piece suit and a dress and heels and I don’t wear heels usually because of my disability. But I wouldn’t dream of turning up at a wedding in anything less. Tbh I find it odd that people turn up to even evening do’s of weddings in jeans.

He will hold the door open for me, I will hold the door open for him. I don’t like walking into rooms of people first so in that instance him letting me go through would be pointless.

We earn roughly the same, he’ll pay for things, I’ll pay for others. Usually we go half on big things, our wedding is just both of us putting in whatever we have, some months I might have £1000 spare, other months I might have £50 (thank you change of jobs and HMRC!). It all levels out eventually. He gave me money to buy a car a few years ago, I’ve paid for our holiday in 2 weeks time. It doesn’t matter who’s card pays for the item. We have a joint account for savings and bills. But even the money in our personal accounts we see as our money. For OCD purposes I like to keep that separate.

I do feel sad when I see people go to the theatre/our for dinner without making an effort - but I suppose for all I know, what they’re wearing COULD be an effort for them. We never know the internal battle.

My OH has suffered horrendously these past two weeks with stress, we’ve both seen each other at our worst and our best. We are equal and an incredibly strong partnership. We joke about “that’s a mans/womans job”, but the reality is we would both do anything if we had to.. we have jobs we prefer.